Marriage at its End?

Is marriage on its way out?

I was initially sparked to ask this question when Arizona defeated the Protect Marriage Act. But one begins to wonder if it can be protected. Arizona's defeat of this proposition (even though it was on the basis of what the proposition said about unmarried couples rather than what it said about homosexual marriage) has hit the news media as a victory for homosexual marriage. It's still illegal here in Arizona, but many news outlets have assured us that the gay and lesbian community see this as a win. And as the media continues to pour out a steady fare of "There's certainly nothing unusual or noticeable about homosexuality" on its entertainment screens, public opinion is swayed.

Of course, the homosexual community is only one aspect of the marriage question. The heterosexual community is adding its own contributions. The New York Times announced, "To Be Married Is To Be Outnumbered", citing census information that says that there are fewer people living as married couples than those who are not. Many couples are in "alternative living arrangements". They're ... shacking up. With the prevalence of this kind of arrangement, one has to ask, "Why marry?" Children from divorced homes tend to be less likely to marry and more likely to "shack up". ("Live together" sounds so nice; I don't want to portray it as such.) Most of society believes that shacking up isn't only acceptable ... it's advisable. I mean, how can you know what a person is really like if you haven't lived with them? Two facts -- the fact that shacking up is not the same as marriage and, therefore, not a valid test and the fact that couples that live together before marriage tend to have higher divorce rates -- don't seem to have any sway in this popular wisdom. So couples are shacking up, forming "domestic partnerships" in which they buy houses, engage in sex, have children ... do most everything that married couples do without the commitment. Why marry?

Divorce is a major problem in America today. Many states have "no-fault" divorce. That means that there does not have to be a genuine reason for terminating a marriage. If he says, "I don't want to be married anymore" and she says, "I do", it's considered "irreconcilable differences" and the marriage is terminated. Despite all the difficulties that divorce brings and despite the studies that have repeatedly said that divorce causes more problems than it solves, divorce rates continue to rise.

Christians aren't helping matters. Statistically, people who identify themselves as Christians are just as likely to shack up and just as likely to divorce as anyone else. One would think this wouldn't be the case, since Christianity is clearly against both, but those who call themselves followers of Christ are blatantly ignoring His views on the subjects of sex outside of marriage and divorce in growing numbers.

Marriage is in trouble in America. Who knows if it can be saved? Should it be saved? The biblical answer would be a resounding "Yes!" Marriage has a variety of positive values. First and foremost, it is ordained and blessed by God. That alone should be sufficient. But there are other values -- practical ones. People who marry and stay married tend to live longer than those who don't. Marriage -- a father and mother indefinitely committed to each other and the family -- provides the healthiest environment for raising children. Marriage tends to "domesticate" men. Now, guys might say, "How is that a positive value?" By "domesticate" I mean it tends to rub off the wild tendencies -- you know, the ones that cause all the problems. Married men -- men committed to their wives and their families -- tend toward less crime, less violence, less problems in society. Instead, they tend toward better selves, better contributors to society, better involvement in their neighborhoods and the lives of others. If, for instance, a man is married -- truly married with no thought of escape -- the instances of adultery plummet. It becomes an untenable option. Children in homes where their parents are married tend to be better adjusted -- better people. They tend to propagate this improvement as well. One other benefit of marriage is a Christian one, again. Marriage is God's image of His Son's relationship with His people. The Church is "the Bride of Christ". It carries a variety of images from caring to unity, from protection to intimacy. It is an image created by God to bring more sharply into focus the relationship of His Son to His people. Tarnishing that image is an affront to God.

Marriage is worth saving. Will America step up and do it? There's no way to tell right now. Will Christians step up and do it? Even that is hard to say. So it falls on us, as individuals, to protect it in our homes and our lives. The troubles marriage faces in our society is no excuse for us. While we wonder, "Exactly how 'Christian' is a 'Christian' who disdains the obvious commands of God?" we still need to proceed with doing what we know to be right, being lights in the darkness, so that they may see our good marriages and glorify God.