Father's Day, 2013

I've written about my father on Father's Day, as it turns out, more than a few times. If you've ever wondered "Given what I see of Stan on this blog, what must his father be like?" you can find out in those places. What you cannot miss, however, is that God gave me a great dad. Really, among the best. And for that I'm grateful, deeply grateful. But it begs the question. What makes a great dad? What does the Bible tell us dads should be? So, not in any real order, this is what I find.

1. Teacher/Trainer.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4; see also Col 3:21).

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Prov 22:6).

Fathers are tasked by God with bringing up their children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord". "No, no, you must be mistaken," some might counter. "Everyone knows that women make the best teachers of children." Well, apparently not everyone. Our culture has come to that, but it isn't biblical. More importantly, though, fathers aren't necessarily tasked with doing all the "discipline and instruction", but they are tasked with the responsibility of seeing that it is done and done right.

So, what are fathers supposed to teach their kids?

"Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD YOUR God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged" (Deut 6:1-2).

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (Deut 6:4-7).

First and foremost, God expects fathers to teach their children ... about God. Fathers are supposed to teach their kids to fear God. Yes, reverence Him, but beyond that to fear Him. We are supposed to teach "the commandment, the statutes and the judgments" of God. Nor are we supposed to do this merely in a classroom atmosphere. Church is fine as an aid, but we are supposed to "teach them diligently". Teach them what? "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might." (As opposed to the popular cries about "Don't poison your children with your religion. Let them figure it out for themselves.") How? Walking, talking, lying down, getting up every day in every way without fail or pause.

What else are we to teach? Fathers are supposed to teach their children to praise God.

One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts (Psa 145:4).

Not just facts but a genuine love for God.

2. Disciplinarian

One of the primary teaching methods that the Bible expects from fathers is the dreaded "d-word" -- discipline.

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death (Prov 19:18).

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:7-11).

Did you get that? It isn't expected that godly fathers will be nice, easygoing, "can't-we-just-get-along" fathers. They are expected to administer "painful rather than pleasant" discipline "as it seemed best to them". We do our best. We don't withhold discipline. As a product of love, fathers are expected to be the disciplinarians in the home. This doesn't rule out mothers; it simply, again, places the overall responsibility on fathers.

3. Role model

The much more acceptable, but perhaps more difficult method of teaching that the Bible expects of fathers is the method of living it out.

The righteous man who walks in his integrity -- blessed are his children after him (Prov 20:7).

Fathers are not supposed to say, "Do as I say, not as I do", unless it is to say, "Learn from my mistakes." It's what Paul did: "Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us" (Phil 3:17). It's what Jesus did: "I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you" (John 13:15). We are to be imitators of God (Eph 5:1) and imitators of godly men (1 Thess 1:6; Heb 6:12).

And here's one place that all fathers should start as a role model:

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling (1 Tim 2:8).

Pray about what? "I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way" (1 Tim 2:1-2). You know, an easy starting point, since I'm pretty sure all of us fathers are already prayer warriors in this regard, right?

4. Provider

Okay, here's a tough one in today's culture. "Really, Stan? You're going to go with that old 'male role' concept?" Well, actually, no. I'm going to go with that old biblical concept.

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8).

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him (Matt 7:9-11).

Scripture -- you know, God's Word -- anticipates that fathers will be the providers. To fail to provide for your own household makes one "worse than an unbeliever". Now, I understand that there are exceptions here. Obviously a disabled father, for instance, may actually be unable to "bring home the bacon". But, again, God places the responsibility of provision squarely on the back of the father. How he accomplishes this may vary. That he is expected to does not.

5. Not the momma

I had to throw this one in simply in defiance to modern feminism and egalitarianism. Men are not women. The commands to fathers are not generic, genderless commands; they are commands to fathers. God designed families with a mother and a father for a reason. Children need both. Girls need fathers and boys need fathers. So while mothers will nurture and care for their children -- absolutely necessary -- fathers have a different role. They are commissioned by God to provide the training, the discipline, the role model for a man (for both sons and daughters), the sustenance. Over and over the Bible uses the term "Father" in reference to God not because God sires children, but because the good human father is a prime illustration of our Heavenly Father. Even those who did not have a good father know what a good father looks like.

Fathers are on the decline these days. Modern society has taken its toll. They're told to "get in touch with your feminine side" because males are bad. Radical feminism has demeaned males. Hollywood has diminished them. The decay of marriage has undercut them. Even the church too often doesn't hold them to what God expects. But to those men who want to be what God commands, who want to imitate Christ, who want to follow the Master, this is a quick list of what a good father looks like from the Bible's point of view. And if you hold the Bible as God's Word, then it would be a good idea to consider this as a good definition of a good father. And, of course, Father's Day just seems like a good day to think it over.

Oh, and to my father, happy Father's Day. Thanks for illustrating these principles for me.