Change is Coming

The Sexual Revolution of the '60's didn't change anyone's marriage, right? No one was told they had to engage in sex before marriage. If you believed you shouldn't, don't. It didn't affect you; only those who wanted something different. Today, of course, such a concept isn't odd -- it's crazy. Marry someone you haven't had sex with? How does that make any sense? How do you know if you're compatible? The Sexual Revolution didn't change marriage, at the outset, but it fed the natural tendency to engage in sexual sin whenever one so chose. It removed the stigma of society for such sin. As a result, in 1960 4% of single mothers had never been married; now 58% of first time mothers are not married. What is the correlation of sex and marriage? Nothing, really. Why do you ask? In a movie about a cohabiting couple planning to get married, the pastor going to marry them required premarital counseling. One of his instructions to the husband-to-be was "On your honeymoon, act surprised." Indeed. Oh, yes, the Sexual Revolution, despite the fact that it didn't need to change marriage, has certainly changed marriage. It removed the need for commitment and fed the human desire for self-gratification over a lifelong connection. And it fed the notion that marriage was about "compatibility". That, in turn, has altered the entire landscape for families, originally predicated on a mother and father that stay together and raise children. Now, not so much.

No-fault divorce didn't change anyone's marriage, right? I mean, it didn't require anyone to divorce, right? So what did it do? It fed the natural tendency to flight when times get tough. It approved the human desire to avoid the problem rather than the marriage demand that we figure it out. Did it change marriage? Absolutely! And together the Sexual Revolution and the no-fault divorce have worked to drop marriage rates to dangerously low levels. The age of first marriage is up. The rates of cohabitation without marriage is way up. Since marriage doesn't offer family, stability, or commitment, why bother? Oh, yes, marriage has changed.

In this vein, "gay marriage" is just the next step. The concept of "gay marriage" is certainly a new shift in definition. Argue it all you want, but facts are facts and anyone who is honest will admit it. "We're not changing it; we're just expanding it." As if expansion isn't a change. Will it change marriage for you and me? On the face, like the Sexual Revolution and no-fault divorce, no. But that is an extremely shortsighted view. And they know it. In The Atlantic, Liza Mundy assured us that marriage will change. We can learn from the "better" version found in homosexual unions. These unions help remove gender differences and gender stereotypes. The offer "genderless marriage". They erase the traditional roles of husband and wife, father and mother, wage-earner and homemaker. They reestablish the lines -- "yours and mine" rather than "our money" and the like. They free up that pesky "long slog 'til death" perception and make marriages more about fun (and impermanence). And that whole monogamy thing? Oh, that has to go. In one study, 15% of husbands admitted to adultery while 58% of gay males in civil unions and 61% of gay men in relationships admitted to sex outside the relationship. You know, if we could just do away with that whole "one marriage-one sex partner" concept, I bet we could combine the Sexual Revolution, the no-fault divorce effect, and the "gay marriage" redefinition to really make something "21st century" out of this thing we call "marriage". Look, if we're really careful here, I bet we could really make "marriage" into something completely new and different. No more monogamy. Complete sexual freedom. No more gender. No more kids. No more permanence. Why, we could ... define it away completely!

This isn't good. The truth is that the notion of "traditional marriage" is really no longer available. You may want to cling to a "husband and wife and children for life" concept, but you'd be a freak. The surrender and compromise and work such an existence would take is just not for the 21st century American. Or European, I suppose. Will the redefinition to "gay marriage" change marriage? Sure. It will change it to something much less resembling marriage than ever before. And down the road when you try to explain to your kids what marriage traditionally means, they'll see you as a loon. Like people do today when I argue that marriage always aimed at children. Crazy talk! Now if only we could erase all that "marriage" stuff from the Bible. Then it would be a non-issue, right? I mean, then who would care except, maybe, God and who really cares what His opinion is? I do. But I'm on the outside looking in. I just hope and pray that Christ in His union with His Bride doesn't choose to incorporate this fickle, self-serving, self-centered, non-sacrificial version of marriage.