It's what we teach our kids. You know ... the "right thing." When Aunt Martha gives him those silly slippers, you tell him, "Tell her 'thank you'." When she reaches for the cookies you tell her, "Ask first." And when he hurts his little sister, you tell him, "Tell her you're sorry."
I know we need to train our children. I know that they don't seem to naturally know these things. I know that we need to tell them to say "please" and "thank you" and all that. But I'm wondering ... do we really need to teach them to say "I'm sorry"?
Last week Jesse Jackson stepped on himself by talking into an open microphone and saying things he shouldn't have said. I didn't misspeak. He shouldn't have said them. He shouldn't have said them into an open microphone, sure, everyone gets that, but he shouldn't have said them at all. So what does he do? When he hurts his "little brother", he is told "Tell him you're sorry" ... and he does. "In this thing that I said in the hot mic statement that's interpreted as distraction, I offer an apology for that because I don't want to harm or hurt this campaign." Hear it? He's not sorry he said it. He does not apologize for accusing Obama of talking down to blacks. He doesn't recant his wish to castrate the senator from Illinois. No, he's sorry he was heard out loud. He's sorry that it is a "distraction." He's sorry that people are upset.
My point is not regarding Mr. Obama or Mr. Jackson. Jackson has simply illustrated my concern. When we teach our kids "Tell him you're sorry," what are we teaching them? We're teaching them the repentance of Esau. "I'm sorry I got caught. I'm sorry that I might endure losses. I'm hoping that if I say the right thing I won't suffer too many consequences." That's not repentance. That's not godly sorrow. That's pure, unadulterated self-interest.
What is it, on the other hand, that is absolutely, fundamentally necessary if we want our children to be saved? They have to hear the Gospel ... sure. They have to come in faith ... sure. But one absolute necessity is repentance (Luke 24:46-47; Acts 11:18; 2 Tim. 2:25). Now, of course I believe that repentance is a gift (I can't read those passages on repentance and not see that). My concern is that our children will come to the place that they believe that they said, "I'm sorry" to God, knowing that if they don't, it is sure damnation, and they believe that they've obtained safe haven, salvation. Why? Because that's what we taught them.
Parents don't have an easy job. Today's world makes it even tougher. And we do indeed need to teach our children proper interaction with others. Somehow, though, we need to figure out how to teach them the difference between "I'm sorry I got caught" a la Jesse Jackson versus genuine sorrow for sin. That's a much more difficult lesson to convey.
2 comments:
While we cannot force our children to repent, we certainly can, and should, force them to apologize for wrongs they have done to others. It's like teaching them to say "Thank you" when Grandma gives them a Christmas gift.
One thing that helps, of course, is what else the parent says when teaching the child to respond appropriately to various situations. We can say, "Oh, wasn't that so nice of Grandma! You should say thank you so she'll know how much you appreciate it." Similarly, we never allowed our children to merely say, "Sorry." We required of them that they make a complete sentence beginning with the words, "I'm sorry that I ..." And when they were little, we let them know the harm they had done was real (your brother is hurt because you hit him, your sister is embarrassed because you read and then divulged the contents of her diary, etc.).
But we also asked the aggrieved party to say, "I forgive you." It is very important to children that they understand the concept of forgiving others, especially when they are toddlers.
In addition, we have testified to our children about some of the times we have had to repent to the Lord for our actions and wrong motives, and to the amazing grace extended to us by Him. And we have apologized to our children when we have been wrong.
"Thank you," "I'm sorry," and "I forgive you," are all over the Bible. When you are teaching your children interpersonal skills in the context of the Bible, and teaching them Bible stories in the context of their everyday relationships, it's a very easy concept to master.
Have a blessed weekend. ~ 10km
We definitely have to teach them. So ... how do we teach them that "I'm sorry" is not necessarily the same as "I repent"? How do we teach them not "I'm sorry for getting caught", but "I'm sorry for what I did"?
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