Finding Myself

Do a search on "finding myself" and you'll get millions of hits. It's a big question, it seems. "I need to find myself. How do I do that?" People are writing in for advice. "I want to leave my spouse of x years so I can find out who I am." There is an entire article in wikiHow about how to find yourself. Answers.yahoo.com has multiple questions/answers on "finding myself". It's a big, big thing.

The thing is ... I haven't got a clue what it is ... or why it is that you have to rip off the people around you to do it. Apparently you can't do this while connected to anyone else. It is, by all appearances, a totally self-absorbing, self-centered process. It would seem that "finding self" requires no interaction with others.

wikiHow has a nice little article on how to find yourself. It illustrates, to me, the total contradiction. For instance, Step 1: "Develop your own moral conduct and practice sticking to it. Remove vice from your life. Smoking, over-eating, and over-drinking will prevent you from functioning at your peak." Wait a minute ... if you are developing your own moral conduct, how can they dictate to you that smoking, over-eating, and over-drinking are wrong? You're developing your own moral conduct. Second, if it is your own moral conduct, in what sense is it "moral"? It's simpy what you decide is right or wrong, not actually "moral". Or how about Step 2? "Forget about what everyone else thinks!" How nice! Paul says, "As much as within you, be at peace with all men." In other words, "care about others and their feelings". But apparently finding yourself means not caring. Step 3 is "Find solitude." You cannot find yourself if you are not by yourself. I guess your "self" is traveling and you need to go where it is, because it is not where others are.

I have to tell you. I hate this stuff. We feed this stuff to each other in our culture. "Forget about everyone. You are the only important person. Shirk your duties. Violate your promises. Ignore your responsibilities. Do whatever it takes ... but find yourself." What if ignoring those around you, failing to be what you ought and surrendering integrity are all things that violate yourself? Then running from what you are won't help you find yourself, will it? Encouraging total immersion in self-centeredness is the wrong way to go. That kind of sin is never the right answer. Besides, I suspect that what you find there won't be pleasant. I, for one, recommend against it.