I'm not writing this around July 4th because I'm not thinking about American independence from Britain. That's likely the first thing that comes to mind when I use that phrase: American independence. That use of the term "independence" would be defined as "not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction". I'm not talking about that version. What I want to look at is this one: "not dependent; not depending or contingent upon something else for existence, operation, etc.; not relying on another or others for aid or support; rejecting others' aid or support; refusing to be under obligation to others."
Oh, that "independence". Yes, we Americans value that oh so highly. We respect those who can stand on their own two feet. The "self-made man" is greatly admired. We love the theme song, "I Did It My Way". I have to ask, though ... is this a good thing?
We all know the old adage -- "No man is an island." Humans are gregarious beings, operating best in groups. We were designed for society rather than isolation. We are created to be connected. We work best both when we lean on others and are available to be leaned on. So how is it that we have so highly elevated "independence" as a virtue?
Scripture is quite clear. There is command after command about how we are to relate to one another. Love one another. Giving is better than receiving. Love your enemy. The Body of Christ is described as "made up of many parts" and not working well as independent beings. And so it goes. Nowhere in the Bible is there praise for the self-made man. Nowhere do we find "personal independence" as moral excellence. So how is it that we have so highly elevated that trait as a virtue?
As an example of the problem, look at families today. According to statistics, 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Interestingly, the highest divorce rates for first marriages is among the 20 to 24-year-old age group. Older than that, and the rates drop drastically. Why is that? Well, there are lots of theories. Childless couples have higher divorce rates than couples with children. Couples who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates. Despite Barna's argument that Christians have a higher divorce rate than atheists and agnostics, it appears that statistically the lowest divorce rate is among Christians who are deeply involved with their church. It seems to me quite obvious that interdependence puts a family on stronger footing than independence. The family that is internally interdependent as well as closely tied to wider family and friends ends up with greater accountability and stronger support. In other words, independence in marriage is a bad thing.
We haven't always been this way. There was a time when the family was tied together. To this day in other cultures the wisdom of age is revered and the ties of family are nearly unbreakable. It isn't a virtue to be apart from the ties that bind. It's considered foolish, painful, and dangerous. So how did we get here?
When all of God's Word tells us how to relate to one another, and we find it best to "do it my way", you can pretty well tell where that voice is coming from. That wouldn't be God. So the message wouldn't be a good one. When God built us for interdependence, and the voices around us are praising independence, you can be pretty sure about the source of that voice.
4 comments:
Well said. Amen. From someone who I guess is sometimes in that "amen corner" place. Sheesh. Don't box me in like that. (Not addressing you, Stan.)
Even though I agree with you, doesn't it often seem like things would be so much simpler and better if The United States would just mind its OWN business and work on its OWN vast number of problems, keeping its nose out of the affairs of nations halfway around the planet?! Dream on though, huh?! As what used to be the world's superpower with all our resources to come to the aid of nations in need, it was/is a GOOD thing when we would, but then, too, just look at all the horrible messes we've made. The nations of this world are all so incredibly interconnected now in such complex ways, with so many in incomprehensibly deep debt to each other, as everyone knows.
Stan, I so agree when you say, "The family that is internally interdependent as well as closely tied to wider family and friends ends up with greater accountability and stronger support. In other words, independence in marriage is a bad thing."
In my own family, and not in just this current generation but in my parents' as well, it has been the need to go where the JOBS are that has taken some of us hundreds and even thousands of miles away from each other! It's so sad. Consequently, my kids have not grown up knowing the joys and benefits of having their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins in their lives like I did. (In order to have one side of our family in our lives, my parents, siblings, and I had to drive clear across the country every few years however!) This, I feel, has been a big, big loss and not just to them but to my husband and I as well. Because of jobs, his family and mine are scattered all over the country and our kids have 10 first cousins they have never even yet met. It will likely be at what is now much too often "the new family reunion" we will all finally gather together..... somebody's funeral.
So many parts of family trees have been uprooted, ripped out of familar ground, and transplanted. When we end up alone and separated by many miles from our extended families, we so need to get grafted into new families as soon as possible -- strong, supportive branches of the family tree (or vine) of God.
Over and out.
Believe it or not, Sherry, even Dan "amened" this one.
I use to, as a heathen, listen to the song "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr. A lyric: "I got a shotgun, a rifle, and my 4 wheel drive, a country boy can survive". Even then I remember trying to imagine old Hank out there digging for saltpeter for gunpowder for his guns and drilling for oil and cooking off the gasoline from it. I knew he was hopelessly “dependent” on the rest of society; though he looked awful cool pounding his chest to the contrary.
You make a good point here. I have heard the cry of independence and I always kind of knew there was something that didn’t sound exactly right about it but had not ever articulated it our in my mind. Thanks for pointing this out.
That's a truth I didn't mention, isn't it? Not only are we made for dependence and ought to be dependent, but in a very real way we really are dependent. We just don't want to recognize it. And that is called "ungrateful".
Post a Comment