There has been some discussion of late in a variety of places regarding how Christians should find a mate. The popular method, of course, is dating. Shop around until you find the right one ... and you're on your own. Others raise the flag. "Oh, no," they say, "it should be 'courtship'." The primary difference, as I can see, is that you're aiming for a mate rather than simply "shopping around". "That," they assure us, "is the more Christian way." And they'll likely point to Solomon's Song of Songs as biblical reason. Okay. Finally there is the third style. Now, we moderns all know that this third style is, well, not only backwards, but wrong. Those who favor this approach will likely object to my designation here, but it's essentially "arranged marriage". They prefer "betrothal". Whatever you call it, the parents determine who their children will marry. Now, we're all quite sure that this is not right. Even if I told you that it is the only biblical example offered, you're still going to be pretty sure that this isn't a Christian mandate. After all, the means of transportation in the Bible includes zero references to automobiles, but we're all quite confident that this doesn't make cars wrong. So likely we're just looking at the culture. I mean, there is no command: "Thou shalt obtain a wife in this manner." That sort of thing. So we can discard that one ... right?
Before we do, I'd like to look at exactly what "that one" looked like. Here is the process. First, the bridegroom's father selects a bride for his son. (It was very rare for the bridegroom to select his own bride.) The father then sends an emissary to negotiate the terms for the bride. The groom then pays the price for the bride. The deal is sealed with a cup of wine and the bride is baptized to symbolize a cleansing from her other world to be devoted only to her husband. Having completed the covenant, the bridegroom returns home to prepare for his bride. I don't say "bride to be" because during this period (called "betrothal"), the couple is considered to be husband and wife. There is a covenant between the two. The only way to break this covenant is to go through proper legal proceedings. They called it "divorce". The difference between "betrothal" and "marriage" in this setting was that the marriage was not yet consummated. So, the bridegroom is preparing for his bride so that she will have all that she needs. When all is ready (generally a year or two, but an unknown time), the bridegroom and his male entourage begin a torch light procession to his bride. The arrival of his party is heralded with a shout, warning the bride to prepare for his coming. She gathers her female entourage and they await his arrival. The wedding party then proceeds to the home of the groom's father where the wedding takes place. The bride is given new clothing, a wedding garment. The couple consummates their marriage, followed by seven days of wedding feast. They are now married.
Now, remember, when Paul commands husbands to love their wives, he carries out an interesting parallel. Commanding that the husband love his wife as he loves himself, he gives the reason based on the standard definition of marriage: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph 5:31). (You see the logic. If they are "one flesh", then loving his wife as he loves himself is only rational.) Then Paul throws in this comment: "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the Church" (Eph 5:32). There is no doubt that Paul sees a direct parallel between marriage and the relationship of Christ with the Church. So, let's look again at that series of events that we were ready to dismiss as barbaric.
I'm sure, if you look for yourself, you'll see some glaring images. There is the selection of the Bride by the Father (John 6:37) . There is the payment for the Bride by the Son. There is an emissary (the Holy Spirit). There is a new covenant which starts with a cup (1 Cor. 11:25) and baptism. The betrothal period is a time of purity for the Bride while the Groom goes to prepare a place for her (John 14:2-3). The Bride doesn't know when the Groom will return; she has to be prepared at all times. But He will return with a shout (1 Thess 4:16) and take her to His Father's house for the new garments, the consummation, and the wedding feast of the Lamb ...
In the Old Testament, Moses led his people through the desert. At one point they cried for water. God instructed him to strike the stone (Exo 17) and water came forth. Later, the people came back through the same spot and again cried for water (Num 20:1-18). This time God commanded him to speak to the rock. The imagery was clear. Christ, the Rock, needed to be struck to provide living water. Having been struck once, He only needed to be asked. But Moses lost his temper. He struck the rock. Water was provided to the people, but the destruction of the imagery cost Moses entry into the Promised Land. I can't say for sure, but I wonder about the wisdom on our part of destroying imagery that God intended because our culture is much smarter than theirs was. God went to great lengths to parallel the betrothal and marriage events to match His Son's coming and betrothal to His Bride. Are we really sure we want to be so smart that we dismiss God's idea as irrelevant or inferior in our day? I'm just wondering ...
(If nothing else, you have to admit that the imagery and parallels are fascinating.)
8 comments:
I had never noticed that parallel before, but the moment you said "Paul sees a direct parallel", BAM, it stood out in clear technicolor.
I got chills when I read about the groom coming for his bride. How glorious.
We live in the day of the flesh and satisfying that flesh. It is probably impossible for us to consider allowing someone else, especially our parents, to pick our mates. Would you want to pick a mate for your children? What a responsibility, but yet part and parcel to the responsibility of raising children, which is no less a responsibility.
Truth be told, I actually asked my parents to pick a mate for me. They never did, but I asked. I never saw it as a command, but what a responsibility and privilege it would be to do that. Luckily, I'm a coward. ;) (Actually, all my kids are gone.)
One needs to look very carefully at Ephesians five again:
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
and
2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
Ephesians five is written concerning a *betrothed* couple, not a married one. Our society always hears 'husband and wife' as being married; but Scripture includes betrothed couples.
In Ephesians five we see that Christ is washing us with the water of the Word so that he *might* (future tense) present us to himself, later, in the future. We read about that here:
Rev 21:2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
We are Christ's betrothed bride.
Von,
As one of the very few people on the Internet that is not contrary to your position, I'd think you'd be more careful about who you disagree with ...
So ... either this verse, from your perspective, has nothing to do with actually married husbands (and married husbands have no need to love their wives) ... or what I wrote is still correct.
(Question: If "The two shall become one flesh" is not a reference to a consummated marriage rather than a betrothal, in what sense are the betrothed "one flesh"?)
Did my last post not get through? That makes two I've lost.
The 'one' of my previous post was not directed at you, Stan, but to the church in general. IE I was agree with and expanding on your post, not disagreeing.
Yes, something that applies to the betrothed couple continues to apply once they are betrothed and together physically.
Good news. You weren't disagreeing with me. Bad news. I still wonder what is meant, if this is betrothal, by "one flesh" if they are not one flesh.
Sigh, I know I have written it somewhere. Here it is in brief:
It is written:
Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Notice the interesting transition here:
*Is now bone of my bones*
*Therefore leave Father and Mother ; cleave to wife*
*shall be one flesh*
Logically this form is:
*because they are one flesh*
*they shall join together*
*and become one flesh*
This becomes even more clear when we reach back into the context:
Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
In other words, the reason that we seek out a wife is that we are looking for someone who *is* one flesh with us (ie human, same genetic material, designed specifically as our helpmeet) in order that they might *become* one flesh with us (ie sexually united).
Thus Ephesians 5: Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Makes sense even tho we know (and all of Christendom is clear on this) that we are in the betrothal or espousal (greek) period… that we await the marriage supper and full consummation. God, through his work, had made us ‘one flesh’ with Christ… removed our old nature and give us a new nature, ustification. But we are in the betrothal period, and being washed in the word that we might be presented:
2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
In the future, at the marriage supper.
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