The Problem of Love

Two people separated by a common language. I see that concept lived out way too often in conversations with people. Most recently it was with that couple I mentioned earlier -- that lesbian couple. They asked me the same thing you hear so often: "How can it be wrong to love someone?" The question seems to baffle a lot of people. Even Christians have a hard time responding. To me, however, it is a radical failure to communicate.

"Now," you ask, "what could be more straightforward than that?" Well, the whole question hinges on a single word, assuming we are all talking about the same thing -- "love." The word, however, is a serious communication problem. When the question is asked, "How can it be wrong to love someone?", there are underlying assumptions. First, we all believe that love is good ... in fact, always good. Second, if you object to sex between people of the same gender, you must be objecting to love. Third, all people who argue that homosexuality is immoral do so on the basis that they object to love. As if it's a simple question.

Let's pick it up the concept of love in this context for a moment, twirl it about a few times, and see what we find. I think, like a prism, the more angles you view it from, the more complicated it will be. Take, for instance, the absolutely implied conclusion that loving someone includes having sex with them. Now, I would hope that the moment I say this, everyone would immediately see it is a problem. We love in many ways. We love our families, but I would assume that most of us don't include sexual relations with that. We love food, pets, power, all sorts of things that the notion of sex can't even approach. And even if we want to argue that we're speaking here of romantic love, it is nonsense to suggest that even this kind of love always includes sex. It is just so obviously wrong. "Oh, so you are opposed to love!" No, of course not. Turning that prism of "love" one way, we see quite clearly that Jesus commanded His disciples to love one another. (In context, it was abundantly clear that He was commanding male disciples to love other male disciples ... as well as female disciples.) No hint of sex there, but a certain embracing of love. Turning that prism another way, we see that God, like a good father, chastises those whom He loves. Now that puts another twist on it. Love always seeks the best for the other person, and sometimes that includes the least pleasant for the one who loves as well as unpleasant (but necessary) things for the loved one. (A trite but obvious example might be when a loving parent allows a nurse to coldly and cruelly stab a piece of metal into their tiny child for the purpose of injecting them with the components required to later save them from worse diseases.) Love, indeed, has many facets.

So here we are, back at the conversation, with a question dangling. "How can it be wrong to love someone?" The question is intended to justify a sexual relationship that God has declared "unnatural" (Rom 1:26-27). The goal is to use God's own command to love as a reason to say that God was wrong when He said not to engage in these practices. At this point I have to ask ... "What's love got to do with it?" But, then, I fear that would be a radical failure to communicate on my part. Sigh.