Blind Spots

The term refers primarily to that spot when you drive that is outside of your rear-view mirror range. It's that spot where, unless you turn your head, you won't see the other car. Truckers routinely warn about it. "If you can't see me in my mirror, I can't see you." It's a dangerous place because, well, you have it, but you don't know it.

The term is useful elsewhere, too. We all have blind spots in life. These are those things about ourselves that we just don't see. Some are easily understandable. "You snore." "No, I don't. I stayed awake all night just to see, and I didn't snore once." Of course, you only snore when you're asleep, so it's understandable that you might not know it. Others are harder to imagine. You're doing them when you're wide awake. You're with you when you do them. You know ... "Why do you always make that noise?" "What noise?" "That noise with your tongue." "What noise?" We do these things, but for one reason or another, we are not aware of it.

Often, I suspect, an easy way to tell a blind spot is to ask yourself, "What is it that irritates me about other people?" I think that too many times we are irritated when people do the same rotten thing we do but aren't fully aware we do it. I talked to a coworker once who complained to me, "My mom is so easily offended that she hasn't spoken to us for 4 years because someone made a comment about shoes." Yeah, that's sad, but he seemed completely unaware that his fellow laborers walked around him on egg shells because he was so easily offended.

Blind spots when you're driving can be dangerous, even deadly. Blind spots in life are equally dangerous. They can damage your health and ruin relationships. She doesn't know she grinds her teeth, but the dentist bill is going to be high. He may not know that he squeezes the toothpaste wrong, but she's divorcing him for it. Trite examples, perhaps, but you get the idea.

I think it's wise to have a few close, trustworthy friends who have the freedom, even the mandate to point these things out to you. Unfortunately, too many of us, for reasons I can't fathom, aren't very likely to ask for that. "I know I've got problems -- perhaps serious ones -- but by no means do I want to know what they are." Think about it. That might not be the wisest approach. And just because someone points out something you didn't know you were doing doesn't necessarily mean that it's an attack. The wounds of a friend ... you know.