Marriage Epiphany

I know. This is a religious viewpoint I'm going to offer. But, hey, I'm a religious guy. My beliefs about God will necessarily inform my worldview. It's just the way it works. So, of course, this isn't intended to be convincing to those who don't share my worldview. However, for those who do ... I had an epiphany I thought I'd share.

Anyone who has read my blog much knows that I have a deep concern about marriage. I think it is important. I think it is in danger. The problem, though, is that it tends to be so ... vague. If you're too vague in what you're trying to say, it leaves room for confusion and misrepresentation. A vague definition of "marriage," for instance, leaves you hard pressed to defend a vote to restrict marriage to a man and a woman without being hateful.

Part of the problem with marriage -- part of the debate -- has swirled around the term "traditional." I've used the language of the California Supreme Court to say that the "longstanding and traditional definition" is ... and there it's between a man and a woman (as even the court recognized). But what is the value of "traditional"? And what about all the changes that marriage has endured over time? The questions are valid. However, I think they should be dismissed. By that I mean that we shouldn't be defining marriage by its trappings and variations. Instead, what is it about marriage that has always been the same? That should serve as the basis for a definition.

Well, at the start, of course, it was defined as the union of a man and a woman (Gen 2:24). It was intended for companionship (Gen 2:18). A husband and a wife were to be faithful to each other, and they were to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15). Okay, there we have the primary components. Things change. Things vary. Marriage has had many faces. Still, the bottom line of marriage has been the union (not a small term) of a man and a woman for the purpose of companionship, faithfulness, and offspring. Sometimes that included multiple wives. Sometimes it didn't. For most of history being childless was disgraceful and sad. Childlessness has only recently become vogue. Sometimes there was a racial component or a religious component ... or not. Sometimes women were treated worse than others. All of these are variables, but the bottom line has always remained the same -- the union of a man and a woman. Only recently has "because we love each other" become the primary definition. For most of history marriage was understood to be about companionship, but not necessarily romance.

The most basic component, then, of marriage is "union." It is a unique concept. You don't get it in other types of relationships. Friendships are not the same union. Bloodlines are not even the same union. This concept takes two unrelated people and makes them one. It makes a family where there was none.

Here's the thing. This has always been the case. Before governments, before churches, before Christianity, before even Judaism, it was the case. That means one thing. This fundamental event of making a family out of two unrelated people occurs outside of governments or churches. According to Paul, it is a great mystery (Eph 5:31-32). According to Malachi 2:15, God does it. And that is my epiphany.

The world may do what it wants. They can try to define marriage as something else. They can try to say it's about being happy or sharing love or being recognized. They can try to say it should include same-sex couples. Regardless of what they do, they don't get to define marriage because they don't actually get to make what is totally unique about marriage. God does it. Therefore, God defines it. Tradition doesn't define it. Churches don't define it. Government doesn't define it. God defines it because God makes the union happen. And what was Jesus's warning? "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matt 19:6).

Update: I think you will be hard pressed to find a more clear, concise, or complete statement on the topic than here.