Men and Church

Yesterday I asked, "What is a Man?" I looked at various characteristics of stereotypical "maleness", the things that are largely typical of what is considered "masculine".

With that in mind, I want to examine men and church. David Murrow has written a book called Why Men Hate Going to Church. So dedicated is he to this concept that he has even started a website devoted to the problem. He has ideas on why men don't like to go to church and what to do about it.

I don't think there really is a question about the notion that men don't go to church as much as women. Clearly more women attend than men. Many women bemoan the fact that there are too few men in church these days. Some of them are wives who are upset that their husbands don't want to be there. Many are single women who find that most of the men at church are married me ... who are often there to avoid conflict with their wives. Single men and young men are in short supply at church. There really is no debate about this fact.

The reasons are manifold. The perception after centuries of effort is that Jesus was largely effeminate, and men ought to be like Jesus. There is a heavy stress on characteristics like humility and compassion as demands for being a good Christian. Toughness is not seen as a Christian trait. Anger is definitely not a Christian trait. Typically in churches men are a problem and women are the fix. Take, for instance, the comparison of your standard sermons on Mother's Day and Father's Day. On Mother's Day, women are applauded and celebrated (as they should be). On Father's Day, men are told to be better men. Hey, wait! What happened to "applauded and celebrated" for fathers? No, men are the evil; women are the good. Masculine traits are no more acceptable in church than they are in society ... perhaps even less so. Still think I'm off the mark? How about this? One of the indisputable facts is that men, as major producers of testosterone, tend to have a stronger sex drive than women. It's a physical fact. Ask yourself, "How is this viewed in the church?" Clearly this is a problem to be solved, not a gift from God nor something to be discussed and assisted. And, of course, there is the music. Most worship music today is aimed straight at the emotional center ... something that is clearly not typically not "masculine".

So, over the centuries, the church has shifted its methods and aims away from "masculine" and more toward "feminine". Is there any wonder men feel out of place in church?

Murrow argues in his book that the problem is in the method. Like so many others who are addressing problems in church, he misses the point. Churches are not about method; they are about truth. The problem in churches is not that they have improper methods; it is that they aren't addressing the truth.

What do I mean? What truths are they missing?

They are missing the truth that Jesus was not effeminate. He was compassionate but strong. Humility itself is misrepresented today. The idea presented as "humility" is weakness. The biblical form of humility is strength under control. The biblical example of absolute power under control ... is Jesus who was willing to serve even though He was God (Phil. 2:5-8). This was real strength. They are missing the truth that while we are commanded to be as innocent as doves, we are also commanded to be "shrewd as serpents" (Matt. 10:16). They are missing the fact that the Bible is full of distinctions between men and women that should be taught, encouraged, and groomed. One thing that I consider a significant lack that would affect men is the clear command of Christ, "make disciples" (Matt. 28:19). We aren't commanded to make converts; we are commanded to be "teaching them to observe all that I commanded you" (Matt. 28:20). We are commanded to engage in relationships with people that continue from "Here's the Gospel" through spiritual maturity. This is something that would engage men because it would be "man to man". Yet it is almost unheard of in the church today. They are ignoring biblical commands like "be angry" and focusing on "and sin not" (Eph. 4:26). They are offering men a passive role when the Bible calls on them to be engaged on a constant basis. They are ignoring the concepts that an entire book of the Bible -- The Song of Solomon -- teach. Can you imagine if that was taught in churches today? Can you imagine if women were taught that they should fulfill their sexual duty to their husband (1 Cor. 7:3)? Can you imagine the outrage if they taught that women should "stop depriving" their husbands (1 Cor. 7:5) or that, lie of all lies, "The wife does not have authority over her own body" (1 Cor. 7:4)?

There is a problem in the church today that causes men to be less of a component. It isn't a deficiency in Christianity. It is a deficiency in the church -- small C. It is a refusal to take into account the whole counsel of God and, instead, an attempt at coercing men to be more effeminate. It is an ignoring of the needs and character of men while elevating the women of the church. While the standard complaint is that Christianity is patriarchal, the patriarchs are being formed into matriarchs ... and most men just aren't interested in being castrated. Maybe churches should consider a shift to the truth, the whole truth.