Denominational Humor

If you can't laugh at yourself, you shouldn't be allowed to laugh at others. And if your particular denomination isn't included here, trust me ... there's likely a line for them, too. Enjoy.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of darkness in the room.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use candles.

How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. Three committees to approve the change, schedule the change, and plan the associated potluck dinner, and one to actually change the light bulb.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, NOT by our efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence), that we truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, it is still dark.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.