My kids are all grown and gone, so it's not a question I have to really worry about, but I'm wondering about all the parents today raising children today.
Times, they are a'changin'.
When I was young we didn't have computers. We played outside. We did our homework. We expected to get a spanking if we were disobedient. We had no "stranger danger" rules. And when I was 17 my parents thought I was responsible enough to drive the family motor home at night on the highway ... and I was. Fast forward.
I raised my own children with many of the same kinds of values and techniques with which I was raised. I required respect and obedience. I gave love. I raised them to be responsible adults, hard workers, good people. Still, there isn't one of them who, when they were 17, I would have trusted with a motor home on the highway at night. Mind you, mine are good kids. I'm proud of them. They're more responsible than most of their generation. Still, they weren't my generation.
Times, they are a'changin'.
What's the difference? Well, kids today have more information at their fingertips than kids of my generation, but less demands. They know more than we did at a younger age, but they mature more slowly. They have been largely raised on video games and television and the Internet. Earlier generations had family as the Number One influence. Today's kids have the media as their Number One influence. When I was young (and, I know, this was even unusual in my day), my parents decided that competing with television was a losing battle, so they eliminated that influence entirely. Imagine going through high school without TV! Oh, the horror! But instead of having to constantly undo the lies of my culture, they simply made sure I was fed the truth. I, on the other hand, had to spend a lot of time correcting error.
The real problem with today's generation is the Evolutionary Effect. No, I'm not talking about the theory of Evolution. I'm simply talking about the creeping shift in cultural mores that time, TV, society, and the Internet bring about. What would have been considered an abomination to my father's generation was perhaps a little odd to mine, but acceptable. And so it goes. You know ... the whole boiling frog concept. Little changes over time get accepted as normal. One generation is abundantly clear, for instance, that marriage is for life and no one even asks if it's only between a man and a woman, and before you know it marriage is a temporary condition that could be between anything living ... you know, as a broad example.
The thing I'm getting at here is the conditions under which godly parents are raising children today. Protecting kids from the lies of the world back when was a lot easier. Now they're often part of the very fabric of the family these kids are in. We all suffer from lies we're not aware of, accepting as normal what is actually horribly wrong. So how do conscientious parents today face this massive task? Is it better to withdraw, to protect young children until they're better able to handle it? Or do they spend huge amounts of time fending off lies and correcting error? I know a lot of Christians have switched to homeschooling because it's the only way they can be sure of what their kids are learning. But a lot of these homeschooling parents still allow the television in the home, for instance. What is the best way to raise kids in this twisted culture today? The whole idea would terrify me if I was just starting out today. What do you do?
10 comments:
Pray daily. I have four children all below age seven. My wife and I have chosen to homeschool. I speak to my wife probably once a month about the state of the household and direction for the month ahead and we pray for our children and our decisions.
Our children are God's and we are watching over them for Him. Each of our boys have been through a dedication service (my daughter's is coming up soon) and the significance of that for me is that we are making clear that our job is to train and to send out God's men and woman. Our mindset is that of training up men and women of God, so we do daily devotions, play Bible trivia and the like to train them in the way they should go.
Television is an issue that I believe is up to the family. I know families in my church that have done away with their TV's and I applaud them for it. Others like our family have time limits and restricted programming with parents present (same with the computer usage). I personally was allowed only a certain amount of time per day on TV when I was growing up and I was driving a tractor to mow by myself at 12 and driving a motor vehicle manual shift transmission at 16.
It is an awesome responsibility to raise a family and it should be done in the fear and admonition of the Lord, with the liberty afforded all who are seeking a God honoring family, and always bathed in prayer.
This is my answer to your question of how we do it. (I also hope at the end of every day I haven't messed things up too badly)
Well, for one thing, we have never had cable TV. Our poor, deprived children. They have had to sit in school and listen to other kids talk about shows they have NEVER seen or only seen a few times in motel rooms (like when we are supposed to be outside enjoying Hawaiian beaches, etc.) or at their friends' houses. I realize that we have all 5 missed out on some of the GOOD programs that are on the channels we don't receive in our home, but amazingly we seem to be quite happy and healthy in spite of that.
Not only have we saved THOUSANDS of dollars over the years (which helped get us to places like Hawaiian beaches), but at least our kids have been exposed to a LITTLE less filth that comes over the airwaves. We feel there are more than enough shows and there is more than enough horrendously awful junk on regular network TV. Why pay for even MORE potentially enticing distractions on screens? If we had more, they'd be even less inclined to want to go outside and get fresh air or crack open the cover of a book.
Of course I say all this whilst staring at a computer screen on a beautiful, sunny morning! And, oh, what evil sometimes comes across THESE screens! Even with filters, many of today's kids still know how to get around them. But some server side filters still do quite well.
Taking your children's computer privileges away is a very good punishment these days! It's akin to temporarily banishing them from their tribe. The same thing with cell phones. Taking their cell phones away seems to hurt FAR MORE than any little 10-12 second spanking I EVER got!
"(I also hope at the end of every day I haven't messed things up too badly)"
May I just say, as one who has adult children, you never stop hoping that because you can never be sure. ;)
And, Sherry, such an evil parent! No cable TV? And where do you come up with these inhuman punishments like blocking computer or cell phone access? Evil ... just evil! (Not!)
Oh, Stan, my husband and I just lie awake at night devising and scheming plans to thwart! Our daughter recently brought home her first "a bit more serious" boyfriend, which has caused me to become a Master Thwarter! (I feel like I've had to take sort of a step backwards in life, however. Suddenly I find myself feeling I need to be around all the time to "babysit" her again. Arg.)
Jeremy's response was so much more spiritually-based than my Sponge Bob Square Pant's deprived one. Goodness. So I guess I should add that, when we aren't making plans to foil our children's fun, we also PRAY VERY SPECIFICALLY for each of them each day, asking for God's protection upon their bodies, minds, and spirits.
And, as often as we think they will still listen to us, we try to REMIND THEM OF GOD'S PRECIOUS TRUTHS and that the world is trying to feed them lies, lies, and more lies daily and to ALWAYS BE AWARE of that and to RUN TO GOD FIRST with their praise, problems, and their needs, and not to other mere humans or to things.
They are older kids now though and it's easy to see sometimes that they are thinking, "Yeh, yeh, yeh. We've heard that all before. We already KNOW that!" Their young, most-highly-impressionable-by-parents years are mostly behind us, I'm afraid. But we KNOW they still hear us sometimes! And we're praying (usually with confidence) that the seeds of truth that have been planted throughout their lives will bear fruit.
Part Two. (Talkative today!)
It's just that the morals of us parents' generation are now so often touted as "old fashioned, narrow-minded" morals, like with the issue of homosexuality. When our kids are being raised in a world in which a person's sexual orientation is one of THE first questions asked (or even asked at all!) when filling out social website profiles, it just puts in their heads that the option of being gay or bi is always there and that it's increasingly normal not to just limit yourself to the opposite sex. And when a pretty, young, female performer is singing at the MTV Awards (or something similar) her popular new song about how she kissed a girl and she liked it, it's a whole new world out there! (Just because you like something doesn't make it right of course!)
I am almost dreading an upcoming visit from my parents in one way. It's because of exactly what part of your post addresses, Stan. It's because it seems we almost always have to hear from my dad in not very subtle, well-disquised ways how inept (our) kids these days are compared to back in his day.
He was doing all kinds of back-breaking labor and driving all kinds of farm equipment by the time he was 10 or 11. Apparently he was quite the "jack of all trades" by the time he was out of high school and his stint in the military! He'd already held down several jobs, barefoot, all while packing his little sister around on his back of course. And one of my boys has not even gotten his driver's license yet because he has chosen to save massive amounts of money by not having a car and insurance payments. Instead, he takes our city's very easily accessible public transportation and gets around just fine. I'm sure this is quite bizarre and even un-manly to my dad, that one of his grandsons is not even yet driving and maintaining his own car, let alone has not been operating other heavy equipment by age 20! It is even rather odd to me (I must admit), and yet we know several young men his age who are doing the very same thing. He'll get a car one of these days, when he sees more need, but he's our very practical kid, so it will probably not be some "hot" car. He says it just needs to get him where he's going and not be too bad looking. (Son #1 was the opposite of this.) Gee, aren't you glad to know all this about us? Yeh, I thought so!
Anyway... I very much agree with you that most kids these days are NOT anywhere near as mature and well-equipped to step out into the world outside of their homes as they used to be. And I don't think a lot of us parents are anywhere as well-equipped as we need to be to fight against that increasingly evil outside world either. We are trying to battle a lot of huge, brand new things never brought before parents before!
Trying to be a really good Christian parent often feels to me very much like being a salmon trying to swim upstream. This sometimes weary, scarred, and bruised fish needs the Lord's touch and the Lord's help to reach my goals. And a big part of my goals is to raise my small fry to realize the same strong need for their God as they fight their way upstream, too.
Stan, your "times, they are a changin'" Dylan reference really dated you. The fact that I got it really dated me...
Oh, I've no problem admitting I'm old. You, on the other hand ...
IN MY DAY...
I actually enjoy saying that!
With my kids, two of whom are stepdaughters who are both married now, I have to say that they all are "good" kids, but the older two are not quite what I would prefer. Even once my wife and I were married, I limited myself in the raising of "her" kids, though I did have limitations for behavior in my presence that her maternal privilege could not override. I did not accept any nonsense regarding what either their mother or I had done at their ages, as we now know better and they don't.
This is not to say I was overbearing. In fact, I was usually goofing around with them, but I just made sure they knew my antics did not mean we were on the same level of authority. Overall, they both turned out well and I'm quite proud of them, but...
As for our child together, she is 14 and finishing the eigth grade. She recently said something that the wife and I just loved. She said, "I can't understand kids who can't get along with their parents." Isn't that wild? She has had some religious training through our church, such as it is, and I have always referred to God when speaking of behavioral issues. She asks questions about things that strike her as outside the bounds of good behavior in order to get things straight in her mind and usually, she was heading in the right direction.
One of the most important aspects of child raising is, in my opinion, the notion of high expectations. Kids actually thrive under high expectations. Expect nothing and you get nothing. In those areas where they don't understand the rules, maintain the expectation and they will come to understand it, AND appreciate it. Kids WANT to make their parents proud. It validation and motivating for them.
Other than that, never fail to give them just enough outward expressions of your love to make them uncomfortable. This accomplishes two things. It leaves them with no doubt and also embarrasses the hell out of them and that's fun for you.
Pray like their lives depend upon it, because they do. I don't do it enough and have to remind myself. Nothing is more precious to me than my family and particularly my daughter. So far, so good.
One more thing. The part where you talk about what is acceptable today compared to yesteryear is something that I have spoken on many times in dealing with the issue of moral decline in our country and culture. Strangely, some people don't even see it and even claim my concerns are much ado about nothing. It is definitely a "boiling frog" situation and such people just don't feel the heat as they should. It's really quite dangerous for future generations.
Marshall Art,
It appears that you and I are more alike than I previously realized. :)
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