Best Laid Plans

We sometimes seem to adopt strategies that, if we thought about them, would be absolutely certain to fail. They seem, in fact, to be in exact opposition to what we are hoping to accomplish.

Take, as an example, the nagging wife. What is it that she is hoping to accomplish? The goal, of course, is to get the husband to do what she wants him to do. The approach is to emasculate him in every verbal way she knows in the hopes that he will step up and be a man. When it's laid out like that, I suppose, it becomes crystal clear. "Oh, that won't work." And it doesn't. Sometimes you can break a man and make him do what you want ... but that isn't stepping up and being a man. More often you will press the man until, at some point, he explodes. That's not a good thing. In no case, though, can I imagine a positive outcome. Still, wives nag as if it's a worthwhile strategy. It's not.

Wives, of course, are not the only ones guilty of bad strategies. Everyone wants to be loved. So why is it that so many times it seems that people make themselves as unlovable as possible in this quest? We put up walls to keep our distance ... you know ... so we don't get hurt, and then wonder, "Why isn't anyone close to me?" We take advantage of those closest to us and wonder, "Why do people keep moving away from me?" We are often so concerned about being liked that we pay very ... close ... constant ... attention ... to ourselves. "How do I look? How do I sound? What do they think of me? Am I doing something wrong?" Of course, a sole focus on "I" tends to put people off. So while our goal is to be loved, our approach puts people off. Odd ... that doesn't seem like a good strategy.

I suspect you'll find, if you look, that there are a lot of places that our strategies do not match our goals. They are, in fact, counter to them. Perhaps it would be a good idea if we went through life with our eyes open, examining things rather than running blindly and hoping we run into something good. The latter strategy is just as likely to get you hurt.