You Gotta Have Friends

If one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart (Eccl. 4:12).

Friendship is an important thing to human beings. As the song says, "You gotta have friends." The Bible, on the other hand, records this interesting warning:

A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24).

Apparently, then, there are varieties of friends. Some are good, and some are not. We all know, for instance, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Prov. 27:6). So what's up with that?

It's fairly simple. I'm not divulging any deep thought. Friendship happens at various levels. The lightest level -- the surface level -- would be the acquaintance. Most of us have lots of people with whom we're acquainted. These are people who likely know our name and probably not much else. We can ask about their health or work and share how we are doing today (The standard acceptable answer is "fine, thanks"). They don't want to know and we aren't free to share much beyond that at this level. As we dig deeper into friendship, we will find the next level. I'll call it "casual friendship". This level generally shares commonality of interests. Shared interests provide opportunities for a little deeper connection ... but not too deep. As we dive through the surface level of acquaintance and start to select people with common interests, we end up with a smaller number of people that could be considered "close friends". Close friends have some level of commitment to each other. There is a shared set of interests, but more importantly there is a concern for each other in those shared interests. Finally there is that deepest level of friendship that I will call "intimate friends". I don't mean it in the sexual sense, but in the sense of a shared connection at the most intimate levels of the person. These friends are rare. Most people won't have more than two or three of these. These friends are given the right to correct us because we are convinced that they love us. We can share our deepest thoughts and feelings with these friends because we are convinced they are on our side.

As the levels of friendship deepen, the numbers decrease. There are lots of acquaintances, but fewer casual friends, even fewer close friends, and an extremely limited number of intimate friends. That last level would (hopefully) include a spouse and one or two others -- no more. Indeed, some people have real problems getting to that deepest level.

We need friends. God designed us for connection. We need people with whom we can share various levels of our lives. We need close friends with whom we can share our thoughts and feelings. Some people are so bruised in life that they close out the possibility of friends at anything deeper than casual friendship. They don't want to have deep conversations or share deep feelings. But we need them. We weren't meant to be disconnected.

I need my friends. I have enjoyed very few connections with sufficient trust that I can share the gammut of what constitutes "me". My friend, Steve, has been one of those very rare connections. We have shared it all. Now, having moved to a different state, I feel acutely the loss of that connection. The other night my wife and I visited the evening with Steve and his wife. What a wonderful time.

Be grateful for the friends you have ... at all levels. Treat them well. remember, even if a good friend causes you pain at times, "faithful are the wounds of a friend." Friends are a gift from God. Treasure them.