I Deserve Happiness

I met with Dave (The names and details are changed because, well, it's probably the best thing to do.) some 15 years after working together in the Air Force. We had a lot of catching up to do. He had earned his pilot's license and gone on to be a professional pilot. He met his wife-to-be at a bar where he played as a musician on the side. She became his wife after helping him through some difficult times. They had two children together and he loved her other kids as his own. All was going okay until "she" came back into his life. She had been the one that got away, the love of his life, that special one that had broken his heart when she left years ago but was back now. He was now contemplating leaving his wife and running off with her. She was, after all, "the one". He surely didn't love his wife. He deserved to be happy, didn't he? How could anyone object?

It's not about Dave. It's about the standard mindset. Far too often it's not about what's right. It's about "what will make me happy". Sometimes that means that we leap into overbearing debt because "delayed gratification" isn't a reasonable thing to consider. "I want it and I want it now." Sometimes that means divorce. Marriage, after all, can be hard work. And what could be worth that kind of hardship? Sure, everyone knows that it hurts the children, but no one should think that I should have to sacrifice my own happiness for something beyond myself.

There are all sorts of ways that we evict the notions of personal responsibility, integrity, hard work, and sacrifice. It is so easy to think that these things get in the way of happiness. I don't really know why. We have all heard stories of people who work through difficult circumstances to come out with immense personal satisfaction. We all know that the people who are given comfort rather than earning it aren't happy with it. I suspect that we all have even experienced the satisfaction of a job well done, the joy of a hard-earned success.

Don't do it. Don't buy that lie. Don't shortchange others because "you deserve a break today." I mean, seriously, how can we be a culture whose marching orders for life are offered by a hamburger joint? Don't cut yourself off from the joys that follow some of the most difficult sacrifice and work of your life by opting for short term, surface "happiness" that lasts only as long as your first difficulty. Don't teach those around you that trials are evil, endurance is meaningless, and self is the only important thing.

During this season of "What do you want for Christmas", maybe we can think of something deeper than our immediate, short term, personal desires. There is a deeper joy out there in giving of self, surrendering of personal desires, and caring for those around us. Seriously, it's not all about you. You don't deserve happiness, but you will find real joy in self-sacrifice, personal integrity, and looking out for others. Give it a shot.