Death's Door

Death has been bugging me lately. Not my death. Clearly I'm still alive. It's the deaths of people around me. Last May my grandfather died quite suddenly. While he was 90 going on 91, it was still a surprise to me. A couple of weeks ago someone else I cared about passed on. She was old and tired and went to be with the Lord and, while her husband of 68 years will miss her dearly, it was definitely her time. And it was still sad. This week a friend and coworker had to take time off for bereavement. Seems like the older I get, the more people are dying around me.

It's not my death that catches the corner of my mind's eye. It took some time, but several years ago I came to an understanding of Paul's statement, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil. 1:21). I think I've come to the same place he did. Besides, my parents saw to it that I'll never die. A couple of weeks ago when I was in the doctor's office and she was reviewing my family history, the doctor remarked, "My, you have an amazing set of genes, don't you?" I'm sure she wasn't talking about my Levi's. No, we're a long-lived clan. Someone once said, "My heart is so healthy that when I die they'll have to take it out and beat it to death." Maybe I'm not quite that healthy, but I'm not anticipating death by natural causes for many years to come.

It's just that, having passed the half-century point, I have to expect that I will start to lose people around me that I love very much. My mom and my dad, amazingly enough, are a couple of decades older than I am. They are very dear to me and I can't imagine how it will hurt when God calls them home. When we get together there is such sweet fellowship as a blood and a spiritual family. And while they enjoy the same good genes they passed on to me, I can see that Dad is slowing down and every so often I hear that Mom has had some sort of health scare. No one lives forever. Then there's my wife's parents. I'm close to them as well. They don't have the benefit of my family's genes. He has survived prostate cancer and she has survived a stroke and it's just a matter of time. I expect my siblings will likely live as long as I do if not longer. That's good. But I expect I'll likely outlive my dear, dear wife, and that will be a tough row to hoe. She really is my better half, and living without half will be hard. I've already told my kids that they have to be careful because they're not allowed to go before me. Not allowed, you understand. But they're good kids. I anticipate they'll do as they're told.

Of course, the good news is that I expect most of the people I care about to leave this world and go straight to heaven. That's certainly a comfort. They'll be so much better off. But I have to be honest. When I get to heaven, I don't plan to be looking around for the people that went before me. My plan is to lay at the feet of my Savior. I'm thinking of starting out with the first 10 or 20 thousand years or so like that. I love my parents and my wife and siblings and my kids, and if they go on before me I'll be delighted for them in heaven, but I won't be looking for them. It's the sweet, sweet face of Jesus that I'll be looking for.

So I guess I'd better use the time I have now as wisely as I can. Don't waste it. Let those people I love know that I love them. Find others to love. There's plenty to spare; I don't need to be stingy with it. Enjoy the time that the Lord gives me now with those whom I love. I'd better get to it. That time isn't infinite, like the time I'm going to have with my Lord in eternity.