No, I’m not addressing the topic of “tough love” as we normally use the phrase. I’m addressing the idea that love isn’t easy.
When we look at the ways love is expressed in biblical terms, it turns out it’s rather challenging. Paul wrote that God demonstrated His love for us by sending His Son to die for us (Rom 5:8). Jesus gave up Himself for us (Php 2:5-8). Funny thing—at no point is there any indication that this love is a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is a choice on God’s part for people Scripture calls “enemies” (Rom 5:10; Rom 8:7). So the love that is expressed for us by God is a sacrificial love—a love that faces outward rather than inward.
Then Jesus comes along and tells His disciples, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34). How has He loved us? Sacrificially. Selflessly. His love wasn’t aimed at what He was getting, but what He was giving. “Love that way,” He told His disciples.
Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church by giving Himself up for us (Eph 5:25). Paul told the Philippian Christians to have the same mind as Christ who gave Himself up (Php 2:5-8). Repeatedly we’re told to die to self (e.g., Luke 9:23; Gal 2:20; Rom 6:6, 11; Rom 12:1; Col 3:3; Gal 5:24; Matt 16:24). It is our ongoing aim in our sanctification (Rom 8:13; 1 Peter 4:1-2; Php 3:8).
Love seems warm and friendly as long as you’re keeping the world’s “warm and fuzzy” version of love. The biblical version is not natural to humans who are self-centered by nature. God’s version of love—the love we’re commanded to perform—is a love that looks outward and sets self aside in favor of the best interests of others. That looks different in different situations and it’s not easy, but it’s necessary. But if we have that faulty view of love as “warm affection,” we’ll never love the way we’re supposed to love—the way God loves us.
2 comments:
Love is hard because it goes against our very nature, our inherent selfishness. I once heard an atheist say that humans are naturally altruistic. Apparently he doesn't know any humans.
I concur--the notion of loving others seems simple, but actually carrying that out is not easy. We might do well in a selfless mode for a day or a week or a month, but for the long term? What does “a love that faces outward rather than inward” look like day in and day out, when we also wish to provide adequate self-care? A sacrificial love seems to be summed up as living for others--up to and including dying for them. Yet it can’t mean doing anything and everything another person desires of you, since this could potentially involve permitting undesirable behavior or enabling unhealthy actions. (Parents raising children to be responsible adults, as well as the loved ones of those struggling with addictions, know this difficult aspect of “tough love.”) This is where wisdom and sensitivity are needed (as I commented the other day). How I need that each day!
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