The Father Who Defines Fatherhood

Father’s Day looks different when both of your fathers—the one who raised you and the one who raised your wife—are gone. There are no phone calls to make, no cards to send, no last‑minute scramble to find a restaurant that isn’t packed. The day is quieter now. But it isn’t empty.

If anything, it has become a day that points me upward.

Scripture doesn’t start with human fathers; it starts with the Father. Not “a father,” not “like a father,” but the One whose very nature defines the word. Earthly fathers are shadows, reflections, approximations. God is the original. Paul says it plainly: “from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named.” In other words, fatherhood isn’t a human invention … it’s a divine one.

That changes how I see this day.

When I think about what fathers are supposed to do—protect, provide, guide, correct, bless—I realize that every good father I’ve ever known was simply borrowing traits from God. Even the best dads only manage a faint echo of what He does perfectly. And the rest of us? Well, we do our best, stumble often, and hope our kids remember the good parts.

But God never stumbles. He never forgets. He never fails to show up. He never disciplines in irritation or provides reluctantly or listens half‑heartedly. He is the Father who doesn’t age, doesn’t weaken, doesn’t drift, doesn’t die. The Father who doesn’t leave us with unresolved questions or unfinished conversations. The Father who doesn’t need a holiday to remind Him to care.

And the older I get, the more I realize how much I depend on that.

I miss my fathers … both of them … in different ways and for different reasons. But their absence has made the presence of the Father stand out in sharper relief. The comfort, the correction, the provision, the patience, the wisdom … all the things I once associated with earthly fathers, I now see more clearly in Him. Not as a substitute, but as the source.

So this Father’s Day, I’m grateful. Not because I have fathers to call, but because I have a Father who calls me His. The Father who defines fatherhood. The Father who outlives every earthly dad. The Father who disciplines in love, provides in wisdom, forgives without hesitation, and never once abandons His children.

If Father’s Day is meant to honor fathers, then He deserves the first place.

Happy Father's Day

Scripture refers repeatedly to a person of the Trinity that is called "the Father." Jesus often referred to Him as "Father," which upset the Jews of His day. It's not like they hadn't heard it before (e.g, Isa 63:16) Scripture refers to Israel as "the children of God" (Deu 14:1). Jesus made it clear that He was about His "Father's business" (KJV) repeatedly (e.g., Luke 2:49). And while a whole lot of people think of humans as "all God's children," Scripture says,

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. (John 1:12-13)

We're told that we are adopted (Eph 1:5; Gal 4:5-7; Rom 8:14-19). It's silly to "adopt" your own children. So humans are surely God's creation and "children" in that sense, but those who are not saved are "of your father, the devil" (John 8:44), and genuine "children of God" are born of God (John 3:5).

I've heard people complain about God as "Father." "I never had a good father. I don't know what that means." I suspect that's not quite true. They know they never had a good father ... because they know what a good father is and didn't have one. Fortunately, on this Father's Day, we can celebrate the perfect Father and give thanks for the father's He gave us.

Father's Day, 2023

It's Father's Day, and for those of you have been around for awhile, you know that my father went to be with the Lord in March. I won't be sending him a Father's Day card. Little did I know last year that it would be my last Father's Day with my father. But I will remember him today, so I'm posting this (modified) from back then.

I grew up taking my father for granted. He was a good enough dad. He didn't get mad much, didn't yell much, that kind of thing. He was kind enough while being sufficiently distant to avoid much emotional conflict. So it was ... okay. It was okay until I became an adult and started telling others -- randomly and in various circumstances -- about my life with my father. What I found ordinary they saw as astounding. Dad loved to travel, so one summer we took a month-long trip around the country, from the Pacific to the Atlantic, and from the South up into Canada. Years later we took a trip -- a caravan of vehicles and RVs -- for six weeks going up into Alaska. (The fact that my dad let me, at 17, drive the family motorhome was astounding enough on its own.) Because of his wanderlust, I've visited, I think, 45 of the 50 states as well as Mexico and Canada. Beyond that, he loved to fish, but he didn't like to do it alone. We went to many an opening day, fishing in California, just Dad, my brother, and I. Or he would take us down to Ensenada for a weekend deep sea fishing excursion. Sometimes it was the whole family; sometimes it was more than that. But the truth was that when he took us, he spent most of his "fishing" time tending to our needs rather than his fishing pole. Once he took my brother and I with him in a backpacking trip miles into the Sierras with some of his coworkers. Another time he had a friend fly us to a part of Baja California without paved road access to do some fishing on the Bay of California. Then there was the time he arranged with a friend to take us out on his sailboat so we could whale watch. Just fun stuff for his family and especially for his sons.

Beyond fun stuff, my father lived Christ in front of me. He had a passion for the lost. He'd bring them home in need of a meal and the gospel. He took my brother and me to skid row in Los Angeles to help out at the Union Rescue Mission. He took the family on one vacation to deep, dark Mexico to visit remote missionaries and minister to them. In the most recent times, he became passionate about the Good Samaritan story and made it his own mission to help out homeless people he came across, often taking them for a meal and the gospel. There are, today, many people off the streets because of his direct ministry and many people out of eternal danger because of his loving and sharing the gospel with them. At one point my mother told me he had spent $10,000 in 3 months on this venture. When I told him, "You know, Dad, you're being taken advantage of," he told me, "I know that, but if Jesus could give His life for them, I can surely surrender some of what He gave me for them if it might bring them to faith." How could I argue with that?

My father passed away in March. He was 93 years old. He went quietly in his sleep. He was a faithful follower of Christ, a self-sacrificing husband and father and fellow human being. He was the finest example of a Christian father that I have had in my life. And today he is fully healed and happy in the presence of His dear Savior. I will remember him fondly and thank God for him as a special gift from God.

Father's Day, 2022

I have talked to people on the topic of "God the Father." A couple have told me, "I don't know what that means because I didn't have a good father figure." I think that's mistaken logic. We all know what a "good father" looks like even if we didn't have one. On the other hand, I did. Growing up, of course, I didn't realize it. I didn't know my dad was outstanding. He was my dad and I just figured he was like most other dads. Listening to people today, I've figured out he wasn't ordinary.

My dad took the family on family vacations. He loved that. We went camping and we went traveling. We traveled the country one summer touring all sorts of sights in a motorhome he bought so my mom would be comfortable traveling. It was him I learned "Husbands, love your wives" by observation. Thanks to my dad's penchant for vacations, I've been to most of the 50 states including Alaska as well as most of southern Canada at some time or another. That's an adventure and an education. He loved to fish but was very careful to include his sons in that pleasure. He didn't mind at all forgoing his own fishing experiencing to keep us fishing. He prepped the gear, baited the hooks, drove the boat (when necessary), netted the fish ... ad infinitum ... so we could be with him and enjoy what he enjoyed. He was keen on our spiritual education as well. We attended church every Sunday (and more) unless someone was sick. Then we'd have our own church service at home. We went to Christian school and he took me often to Christian Business Men's Committee (CBMC) breakfasts or Los Angeles's skid row in his various ministry efforts. He wasn't merely dedicated to these kinds of things; he intentionally shared that dedication with his children -- especially his sons. We never heard, "Wait 'til your father gets home" from Mom. She was the front line discipline. I don't recall my father ever spanking me, although I do remember several "What were you thinking?" episodes, a question I found amusing. "What makes you think I was thinking?" I never said that to him. Dad was known to bring people home who needed help. He was serious about his relationship with Christ, lived it out boldly in front of his family, and urged his kids to do the same.

My father is getting up in age, but I still respect him greatly, admire his dedication to Christ, and appreciate his lifelong example and love. Because of my father, I know what a good father looks like. I will be eternally grateful to my heavenly Father for the father He gave me.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Father's Day, 2021

I was reading a blog the other day. The writer was talking about reading someone else talk about playing catch with his dad. This writer said, "Number of catches with my dad: 0." And I thought, "Dad and I never played catch."

We didn't. Oh, we did a few things together, just Dad and his sons. We did go deep-sea fishing and opening-day fishing and bass fishing. We went camping, backpacking, and hiking. He arranged with a friend to take us on a sailboat for whale watching and he arranged with another friend to fly us to a remote part of Baja California to fish the Bay of California. He took us to men's prayer breakfasts and conferences and ministry trips from skidrow to Mexico. As a family, we went on trips around the country, from the deep South to eastern Canada and north to Alaska. A few things. Well, LOTS of other things. Just no catch.

My dad wasn't very good with emotional displays. That was okay. He has always made it clear that he loves us and always demonstrated it quietly with words but loudly with actions. Some people might complain. "No catch?" Not me. I'm more than grateful to God for the father He gave me and the father I have known. I'm more than grateful to have a father who is available to be used by the Father.

Father's Day, 2020

A day set aside for dad's. Not so sure that's popular anymore, but I'm only sorry there aren't more. It's interesting the piles of memories from my growing up with my father. At the time you figure, "This is just the way it is," and nothing is remarkable. Looking back, it really was.

I wasn't a fisherman in my youth (and less so today), but my dad sure loved to fish. So we'd fish. If that sounds like a complaint, you missed it just like I did. We went camping and we went to "opening day" in the Sierras and we went to Ensenada, Mexico, and we went to Alaska ... we went all over the place to fish. Dad would load my brother and I in the car on a Friday, drive us down to Ensenada to go out on an early-morning deep-sea fishing trip, and have us home by Sunday. He had a friend fly us down to a sleepy town in Baja California to fish in a dinghy in the Bay of California. Fishing? Okay. But all this was special time with my brother and my dad doing stuff together.

Fishing wasn't all there was. He took us on trips -- trips around the U.S., trips to Canada, trips to Mexico -- even untraveled portions of Mexico where we hiked to a village to visit missionaries there. He took us on a backpacking trip in the mountains for a week. He set us up horseback riding on the beach in Ensenada. (I still have that indelible memory etched in my mind when the saddle he was in slipped, he fell onto the sand, and a wave washed over him. Good times.) He had a friend from work take us out on his sailboat for a whale-watching excursion. Family vacations, sightseeing and travels, mission trips, Dad did it all with us.

One of my memories is a bit ... odd. Dad was a civil engineer for the County of Los Angeles, specializing in storm water runoff -- preventing floods. I remember one stormy night he said, "Hey, Stan, I have to go look at this flooding going on. Want to come along?" Really? Why not? He took his son for no reason other than he wanted to. He took my brother and I with him when he went to skid row to give the men there the gospel. He took us breakfast with the Christian Businessmens' Committee (CBMC). He took us to Billy Graham crusades. Oh, and we never, ever missed church. We went every week unless there was an exception like we were traveling. Then we'd go where we were. Or if someone was sick. Then he'd hold a service in the home. Never miss church.

My dad has always been what the '50's crowd thought a dad should be. Involved, connected, modeling the role of a loving husband, firm but fair, caring, a kind of "storybook" dad. Simple stuff, maybe. Not extravagant but generous, not selfish but sharing. I've been recalling a lot of this stuff lately and am reminded once again of how fortunate I have been to have my father even when I took him for granted and how blessed I have been that God would give me such a dad.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Father's Day, 2018

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you." (Exo 20:12)

It's Father's Day. I thought I'd take a minute to look at what Scripture says about fathers. And the first one I came up with was this one.

It's an interesting command, isn't it? I mean, in our day fathers largely get a bad rap. Last month the Minnesota Conference of the United Methodist Church altered the Apostles Creed because "Father" wasn't inclusive enough. If it was a gender "protest", it was poorly done because they left "I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son" in place and "Son" is male, but they removed God the Father and replaced Him with "God the Creator." It looks to me as if it's a "father" problem. And, let's face it; there are too many bad fathers. Are we actually supposed to honor bad fathers? Apparently we are. Note that Paul, quoting this passage, considers obedience to be honoring parents (Eph 6:1-3). Note, also, that there is no "expiration date," either in Testament or age. That is, Paul repeats it, so it's still in effect today, and there is no point at which they cease to be your parents, so we must always honor them even after they are no longer our authority. Interesting. It appears, then, that God considers fathers to be worthy of honor regardless of their quality. As in government (Rom 13:1-2), we need to honor the position even if the man isn't honorable.

There is an undeniable correlation in Scripture between human fathers and God as Father. David wrote, "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him." (Psa 103:13) That is, as we understand a good father, we understand God. As the father is head over the family, God is head over all (1 Cor 11:3). As the father is responsible for teaching and correcting (Eph 6:4); so is God our Father. As the father is to provide for his family (1 Tim 5:8), so does God our Father (Phil 4:19).

Remember Job? Scripture says of him that he would consecrate his children and offer prayers and offerings for them because "Perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." (Job 1:4-5) That's a father's heart -- our fathers for us and our Father for us. Jesus compared a son asking for a loaf or fish to us praying to God. "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" (Luke 11:11-13) A father's heart.

Fathers are not to provoke their children (Eph 6:4; Col 3:21), but they are supposed to instruct (Prov 4:1-4; Eph 6:4) and discipline them (Prov 19:18; Prov 13:24; Eph 6:4) as God does (Prov 3:11-12; Heb 12:7). It is, in God's view, possible to both instruct and discipline children without provoking or exasperating them. How? When the instruction and discipline is done in love, of course. When the motivating principle is love, there will be as much (more?) positive as negative reinforcement and much less tension (provocation).

In our society, fathers are often "throw-away" items. That's largely because too many fathers have thrown away their responsibilities. In biblical terms, fathers are critical, first as examples that imitate God the Father, then as compassionate, responsible teachers and providers for the family God provides.

My father has been such a man. Scripture speaks of him when it says, "The righteous who walks in his integrity — blessed are his children after him." (Prov 20:7) Telling you about that is one way to honor him. Scripture has another.

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. (Prov 10:1)

"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him." (Prov 23:24)

Honoring my father on Father's Day (and every other) is my aim. Honoring him by being wise and righteous is my aim, too. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Postscript
I found this verse in my search for references to fathers:

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous. (Prov 13:22)

To my kids: don't count on your father being a "good man". :)

Father's Day, 2013

I've written about my father on Father's Day, as it turns out, more than a few times. If you've ever wondered "Given what I see of Stan on this blog, what must his father be like?" you can find out in those places. What you cannot miss, however, is that God gave me a great dad. Really, among the best. And for that I'm grateful, deeply grateful. But it begs the question. What makes a great dad? What does the Bible tell us dads should be? So, not in any real order, this is what I find.

1. Teacher/Trainer.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4; see also Col 3:21).

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Prov 22:6).

Fathers are tasked by God with bringing up their children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord". "No, no, you must be mistaken," some might counter. "Everyone knows that women make the best teachers of children." Well, apparently not everyone. Our culture has come to that, but it isn't biblical. More importantly, though, fathers aren't necessarily tasked with doing all the "discipline and instruction", but they are tasked with the responsibility of seeing that it is done and done right.

So, what are fathers supposed to teach their kids?

"Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD YOUR God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged" (Deut 6:1-2).

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (Deut 6:4-7).

First and foremost, God expects fathers to teach their children ... about God. Fathers are supposed to teach their kids to fear God. Yes, reverence Him, but beyond that to fear Him. We are supposed to teach "the commandment, the statutes and the judgments" of God. Nor are we supposed to do this merely in a classroom atmosphere. Church is fine as an aid, but we are supposed to "teach them diligently". Teach them what? "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might." (As opposed to the popular cries about "Don't poison your children with your religion. Let them figure it out for themselves.") How? Walking, talking, lying down, getting up every day in every way without fail or pause.

What else are we to teach? Fathers are supposed to teach their children to praise God.

One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts (Psa 145:4).

Not just facts but a genuine love for God.

2. Disciplinarian

One of the primary teaching methods that the Bible expects from fathers is the dreaded "d-word" -- discipline.

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death (Prov 19:18).

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:7-11).

Did you get that? It isn't expected that godly fathers will be nice, easygoing, "can't-we-just-get-along" fathers. They are expected to administer "painful rather than pleasant" discipline "as it seemed best to them". We do our best. We don't withhold discipline. As a product of love, fathers are expected to be the disciplinarians in the home. This doesn't rule out mothers; it simply, again, places the overall responsibility on fathers.

3. Role model

The much more acceptable, but perhaps more difficult method of teaching that the Bible expects of fathers is the method of living it out.

The righteous man who walks in his integrity -- blessed are his children after him (Prov 20:7).

Fathers are not supposed to say, "Do as I say, not as I do", unless it is to say, "Learn from my mistakes." It's what Paul did: "Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us" (Phil 3:17). It's what Jesus did: "I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you" (John 13:15). We are to be imitators of God (Eph 5:1) and imitators of godly men (1 Thess 1:6; Heb 6:12).

And here's one place that all fathers should start as a role model:

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling (1 Tim 2:8).

Pray about what? "I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way" (1 Tim 2:1-2). You know, an easy starting point, since I'm pretty sure all of us fathers are already prayer warriors in this regard, right?

4. Provider

Okay, here's a tough one in today's culture. "Really, Stan? You're going to go with that old 'male role' concept?" Well, actually, no. I'm going to go with that old biblical concept.

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8).

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him (Matt 7:9-11).

Scripture -- you know, God's Word -- anticipates that fathers will be the providers. To fail to provide for your own household makes one "worse than an unbeliever". Now, I understand that there are exceptions here. Obviously a disabled father, for instance, may actually be unable to "bring home the bacon". But, again, God places the responsibility of provision squarely on the back of the father. How he accomplishes this may vary. That he is expected to does not.

5. Not the momma

I had to throw this one in simply in defiance to modern feminism and egalitarianism. Men are not women. The commands to fathers are not generic, genderless commands; they are commands to fathers. God designed families with a mother and a father for a reason. Children need both. Girls need fathers and boys need fathers. So while mothers will nurture and care for their children -- absolutely necessary -- fathers have a different role. They are commissioned by God to provide the training, the discipline, the role model for a man (for both sons and daughters), the sustenance. Over and over the Bible uses the term "Father" in reference to God not because God sires children, but because the good human father is a prime illustration of our Heavenly Father. Even those who did not have a good father know what a good father looks like.

Fathers are on the decline these days. Modern society has taken its toll. They're told to "get in touch with your feminine side" because males are bad. Radical feminism has demeaned males. Hollywood has diminished them. The decay of marriage has undercut them. Even the church too often doesn't hold them to what God expects. But to those men who want to be what God commands, who want to imitate Christ, who want to follow the Master, this is a quick list of what a good father looks like from the Bible's point of view. And if you hold the Bible as God's Word, then it would be a good idea to consider this as a good definition of a good father. And, of course, Father's Day just seems like a good day to think it over.

Oh, and to my father, happy Father's Day. Thanks for illustrating these principles for me.

Just the Right One

There are those who would argue that God takes a sort of "hands off" approach to human beings. He has no specific plan for people. His only aim is to allow them to do what they want and hope that they would -- even encourage them to -- love Him freely. When I read that God "works all things after the counsel of His will", that "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD," that "The LORD works everything for His own purposes", I can only conclude that the opposite is true. If God had every day of David's life written in His book before it ever started (Psa 139:16), then I believe that God has explicit plans for each individual. Indeed, in my mind, if God were to take a "hands off" approach -- the God in whom "all things hold together" (Col 1:17) -- the world would cease to exist.

The most difficult thing for me in realigning my earlier thinking to this kind of Sovereignty of God was the realization that I was the best possible choice on God's part as father for my children. I could accept a lot of things, but that was really tough to swallow. Since then, I have.

At the same time, it is wonderful recognizing that God gave me the best possible choice of father for me, as well. I'm quite sure that I would have had designs on something different if He had asked my opinion in earlier days, but today I'm grateful beyond measure for the father He gave me. Just the right one.

I'm grateful for the father who wasn't overly influenced by his emotions, but thought things through instead. I'm grateful for a father who openly wept in front of his children when convicted of his own sin. I'm grateful for a father who is still in love with my mother and not afraid to show it.

I'm grateful for the father that took us camping and fishing, even though it meant that he'd likely get in precious little fishing himself. I'm grateful for a father who taught me the value of work, of earning my own way, even when he had to pay for it. I'm grateful for a father who, day after day, lived as an example of the responsible life of productivity and integrity.

Watch TV or the movies and you'll likely get the impression that there are no good fathers. It seems like every character in every story had a drunk for a dad or a philanderer (or both). He beat his kids. He beat his wife. He failed to provide. He neglected his family. He left. Bad fathers abound in fiction. That's why it's so so easy for me to recognize as fiction. You see, my experience has been that of a great father, a father specifically chosen by God to influence my life specifically as God intended. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for the father on earth that He selected for me. Just the right one.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Father's Day, 2010

Being a parent is not an easy thing. There is no actual manual. We get some ideas from the Bible, but how to potty train or how to respond in this situation or that is pretty vague. We might lean on others, either "professionals" or other parental examples, but ultimately the parent is the one that makes the choices and the parent is the one that is responsible. It is often a thankless job. It is often a painful job. And, of course, as is generally true, the more expensive something is, the more precious it is.

Knowing what to say and do and when are difficult things. Perhaps more difficult is knowing what not to say or do. This is particularly difficult for mothers, I think. Their natural nurturing pushes them to be there for everything. Fathers, on the other hand, often fall on the other side of that road. Between work, modern feminism, and other pressures, it's sometimes easier to take a more "hands off" approach. A good father, though, is a rare gem. He knows when to be there (and he's always there in some form or another) and when to take his hands off. You get the picture, I'm sure. There he is running behind his youngster as the tyke is learning to ride a bike. He's got his hand on the back the whole time as little Bobby pedals down the sidewalk gaining momentum and balance. And then, without telling Bobby, he lets go. Bobby is balancing and pedaling on his own. He's doing it! He's riding his bike. He doesn't even know it for some time until he suddenly realizes that Dad is not behind him anymore. And what a thrill! He's riding his bike!!

Being a father is a tough thing. Knowing what to say and do is tough. Knowing what not to say and do is perhaps more difficult. But children need both a "hands on" and "hands off" approach to learn. It's one of the things I deeply appreciate from my own father. He has always provided excellent guidance and training when it was needed and also knew when to let me get into my own trouble (or, less often, have my own success). To me it's one of the things that makes him a standout among fathers. It takes real wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, when to act and when to watch. And, let's be honest, watching your kids do foolish things can be very painful. But he has done it masterfully. He has shared his wisdom and borne the pain and continues to be the finest example of a good father that I can find.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Father's Day 2009

It's Father's Day, a day set aside to honor fathers. Now, you'll likely admit that Father's Day isn't nearly as important as Mother's Day. On Mother's Day, moms everywhere are treated to dinner, given gifts, pampered and praised. Father's Day is typically a barbecue in the backyard (you know, where Dad is doing the work) and maybe, if he's lucky, a bad tie or handkerchief as a gift. I know, I know ... oversimplification, and too much of a stereotype, but I'm sure you get the idea. We just don't make as much of fathers as we do mothers.

Part of that, I suppose, is the fault of fathers. Again stereotyping, everyone knows that mothers raise the kids while fathers tolerate them. Everyone knows that moms make the home while dads go off to work to pay for it (typically, these days, with the added income of mom's job). Everyone knows that when families break up, Dad leaves the kid with Mom because dads are not responsible for being fathers. This, as I said, is stereotypical, and not entirely accurate, but I think there's enough of it that dads have gotten a bad rap for it.

The other part, I am thinking, is ... sin. Well, perhaps "sin" isn't the right word. We modern Christians in our enlightened day have decided that God's ideas of what it means to be a father isn't quite right. We know now, for instance, that mothers are the much better parent. We figured that out when, apparently, God couldn't. We immediately discount the Old Testament preponderance of "fathers" as an archaic, patriarchal system, no longer relevant today. (The fact that it carried into the New Testament is equally irrelevant, a nasty byproduct of a failed culture.) We read quickly over such nonsensical passages of Scripture as "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph 6:4). That's simply telling dads not to make their kids mad. Surely it's not telling them to "bring them up". That's the mom's job. And, seriously, that whole "Wait 'til your father gets home" thing is so outdated. I mean, just because Hebrews references "earthly fathers who disciplined us" (Heb 12:9) is no reason to think that fathers should do discipline. And who really thinks that "God the Father" should bring any influence to our view of "fathers"? So, we wise moderns completely discount the singular perspective of the Bible that fathers are the primary responsible parent.

Well, I'm personally of the opinion that it's a mistake. I am incapable of reading the Bible and coming away with anything but the firm conviction that God has made husbands the head of their wives (1 Cor 11:3, etc.) and fathers the head of their families. God has designed the family to be led by fathers. Fathers are responsible for the education, discipline, and training of their children. They are responsible for seeing to it that their children are prepared for life. Now, I'm not saying that they need to do everything, but from what I see in the Bible, they are the ones responsible for everything.

Guys, the biblical perspective on men is really quite intense. Responsible for the family, responsible for the wife, responsible as the priest of the family, we have some phenomenal tasks laid on us by God. I intend to make very sure today that I thank my father for having done his part of those tasks so well. I also intend to pray to my Father for the strength to do them myself, especially in the face of a society that is so willing to discount fatherhood.

Dad, if you read this ... Happy Father's Day!

Meet My Father

We as a society are accustomed to the obituaries. Obituaries are "advertisements" of sorts, a review of a person's life generally given at the time of one's death. We try to remind each other of the landscape that was that person's life. It is given at the time of death primarily because that landscape is still in flux while he or she is alive. He might do more, greater things or she might do something really scandalous. So we'll wait until they're done.

It's Father's Day and I'd like to give you the lay of my father's land. I'm not going to wait until he dies. He has been a remarkable son, a model husband, a wise father, and an exemplary Christian. You would do well to meet my father.

Dad grew up in a Christian home. It was no downstream Christian home. It was seriously Christian. No dancing, no movies, no playing cards, church every Sunday ... his parents were serious about Christ. (His sister and youngest brother went to the mission field ... serious about Christ.) When he graduated from high school, he had a plan for his life. He wanted to fish and camp. Now, you can't make a living fishing and camping, so he and a friend signed up in college for the classes needed to become a forest ranger. When he got home with his list of classes, his father took a look and asked, "Where's the physics? Where's the math? Where's the engineering? Go back and change your classes so you can be an engineer." And my father went back and became a civil engineer. (It worked out for his benefit. He worked for the county of Los Angeles, retiring early with an excellent retirement package and a retirement bonus, allowing him at a relatively young age to travel and camp and fish to his heart's content without worrying about money.)

As a husband, Dad proved to be a marvelous example to his children. I never saw my parents fight. I never saw my Dad be unkind to my Mom. There were times, Mom tells me, when he really drove her crazy. You see, my father was a practical man. His decisions were rarely (if ever) emotional. He decided what was practical and carried it through. Mom tells me of one time when she didn't like it. When they went to bed that night, he rolled over and started to go to sleep. "Hey, aren't we going to talk about this?" she demanded. "Don't worry, honey," he assured her. "You'll feel better in the morning." She wasn't exactly ecstatic that he was right ... she did feel better in the morning. And while my father proved in this way to be sometimes exasperating, it eventually became an admirable and enjoyable character trait. My father wasn't going to make emotional decisions; he was going to make the right ones.

My father was not the disciplinarian at home. That was Mom's job. But my father made the situation clear when discipline did fall to him. "What were you thinking?" was his question. We, of course, never had an answer. "What makes you think I was thinking?" was obviously not the right answer. But I got the point. "Think!" And sometimes Dad would rub me the wrong way with his practical nature. I was more emotional than he was. Understanding me wasn't easy for him. But he never wavered in his task as a father. He worked at teaching his children what we needed to know. I remember one year when we wanted to go to summer camp, Dad required us to earn our way. Now, keep in mind, we worked for him. In other words, he did pay our way to camp. It was just that he wanted us to get the sense of having earned it rather than merely given it. In that, we received blessings from camp before we ever went. And I will never forget the day my father stood in front of the door blocking my way as I tried to leave home to move in with a girl. "Dad," I told him, "I'm an adult. You can't stop me." Do you know what he told me? "I love you, Stan. If I saw you on a raft in a river and I knew that there was a waterfall ahead, I would do everything I could to pull you off that raft, even if you didn't want me to." In the end, I won ... and lost. He was right; there was a waterfall on that river. But I learned (again) that 1) Dad loved me and 2) he was right. I did all I could to destroy our relationship at that time in my life, but my father loved me through it and was there with open arms to receive me back ... much like a father you might know from a story of a prodigal son.

My father modeled other necessary values to me when I was growing up. He routinely ran off to skid row in downtown Los Angeles. He would go to the Union Rescue Mission to volunteer or out onto the streets to witness to the folks out there. On occasion he would take me and I got to see him at work sharing the gospel -- not the usual image one gets of his father. He would invite people we didn't know over to the house to give them a meal and the plan of salvation. He believed that what he had was the Lord's and he shared it with others. To this day my father can strike up a conversation with anyone at almost any time and it isn't unusual for him to end up sharing the gospel. No one is "safe" from his evangelism. He cares that much.

I told you that my dad wanted to fish and camp. He didn't give that up by becoming an engineer. He just made it his hobby. We routinely went fishing and camping when I was growing up. I've fished from Mexico to Alaska in streams, lakes, and the ocean. We've hiked into the Sierra Nevadas to fish where no one else was and flown to remote towns in Baja California to fish the Sea of Cortez. My memories of fishing, however, are a bit odd, I suppose. I can hardly remember my father ever fishing. It seemed like it was a constant barrage from his two sons, "Dad, I need bait", "Dad, I'm stuck on something", "Dad, my hook is caught in my brother's face", that kind of stuff. Through it all, despite the fact that he rarely got to do what he loved -- actually fishing -- I never saw even a hint of exasperation from my father. He was the epitome of patience, never complaining, never yelling, never upset. That was a model I have worked hard to live up to.

When I was growing up my father was not a particularly emotional man. This and many other aspects became clear marks of change, absolutely irrefutable evidence of a man whose Savior was at work inside. I will never forget the time when he called us all into the dining room and sat us down to apologize to us, his family, for not being the father he should be or the man he should be. My unemotional father wept over his sin in front of his children. He has become more prone to tears as he has aged and God has worked. Now a good testimony or a reminder of God's kindness to him and Dad will be off again with tears of joy. Dad was always reserved with Mom when I was growing up, but that's another place that God has worked, making him into the kind of husband any woman would want.

My father is a remarkable man, one who I would be proud to emulate. He has more than taught me Christianity; he has modeled it. He always tried to do what he thought was right. He never shirked his own responsibility and never denied his own failures. He has always been willing to stand for what is right even when it was unpleasant. My father is a young 78-year-old with many years remaining in his life and I am pleased to be his son, delighted to have him as the grandfather of my children, and woefully short of the man he is. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Happy Father's Day

It's Father's Day, and what better way to celebrate than to tell you about my dad?

I have an unusual father. I mean that in the best possible way. I've never really met anyone else like my dad. He doesn't fall into the stereotypes. He doesn't fit the mold. He's not like everyone else's dad. He's a good father.

My dad is a good father for several reasons. First and foremost, he models what he preaches. I've never seen my dad offer advice that he didn't take himself. I've always seen him acting on the principles that he espouses. Funny story that illustrates something of my experience with my father. This occurred way back when I was a kid. We were on a trip (Dad loves to travel) and Dad asked Mom if she had brought a particular pair of pants for him to wear. She hadn't. He said, "Oh, that's too bad. I wish you had." End of encounter. I told my sister, "I hate it when they argue like that" because that was my perspective of "arguing" that I learned from my dad. To my recollection, that was the harshest he ever spoke to her. From the way he interacts with his wife (my mom) to the way that he interacts with his kids (my siblings and I) to the way he interacts with those around him, he is amazingly consistent. One of the reasons for this and one of the things I really appreciate about him is that it is in his character to think rather than feel. I don't mean to suggest that he doesn't feel. That would be nonsense. But he operates basically on a logical rather than emotional basis. And that's a good thing.

I can see this characteristic in a variety of places. When we took our trip together in March, he had the whole thing mapped out in advance. He had researched the best places to stay overnight, what he planned to do at those places, and the best places to buy gas. He had an itinerary both on a map and on a calendar. This is not to suggest that he hasn't a spontaneous bone in his body. When he travels, he likes to explore. So in his meticulous planning, he includes room for spontaneous exploring. "Let's leave a couple extra days at this place because we might find some interesting things to look at between here and there." That kind of thing. But he does that kind of thing in so many areas. He knows what he wants in a church and goes to find it. His experience working for the county of Los Angeles taught him a lot about how to run a county, and he has applied that extensive knowledge to helping run his housing community. He thinks about what he should do, and he does it. I very, very much admire that in my father.

One of the things that is amazing about him is his ability to interact with people. To us kids, my father was always quiet and not very sociable. Turn him loose, however, and he's talking to the guy at the next gas pump or the couple at the next RV spot or the neighbor down the street. In his community, everyone calls him for help because he's always out and about and everyone knows him. He can strike up a conversation with a fellow RVer or a fellow engineer or a fellow fisherman or a fellow human being at the drop of a hat. He is always personable, always knowledgeable, always approachable. We always saw him as quiet and reserved, but that's not the man I observe these days.

Another thing about my father that is a real joy is the long term observation I've had. The truth is that my father when I was growing up is not the same man as my father today. The primary reason that our perception was that he was always quiet and reserved is that he was. He rarely ever expressed an emotion, positive or negative. We almost never saw him angry, but we also almost never saw him elated. He didn't really interact much with us too deeply. Oh, he spent time with us, and for that I'm very grateful, but digging into what we thought, felt, dreamt, etc. ... well, that just wasn't his thing. But God has been working in him over the years. He has become engaged. I've seen him cry when he tells a story that moves him. I've seen him develop a sense of humor, something we rarely saw before. I've seen him love his wife in ways that seemed foreign to him before. He has become the dream husband my mom always wanted. He has become involved in his kids' and their kids' lives like he never was before. He cares like he never did before. This man is a walking, talking, living illustration of the hand of God in someone's life.

I have a lot of reasons to be grateful for my father. These are just a few of them. Thanks, Father, for my father. Thanks, Dad, for being such an excellent dad. Happy Father's Day.