Economist Melissa Kearney has written a book titled The Two-Parent Privilege arguing that children raised by two married parents statistically do better than children raised by single parents. "Nay!" say those who oppose the claim, not because they disagree with the facts, but because, they say, knowing that it's true but it's not available doesn't make us any better off. Yes, that's their complaint. So the right is shouting "Hear, hear!" They want the left to own up to the damage to marriage that their policies and philosophies have wrought and get back to promoting marriage. Which shouldn't be an issue since most people want to get married. "Yeah for marriage!"
Here's the problem. Marriage is broke. Marriage in modern America isn't working anymore. It's not because the institution of marriage isn't any good; it's because we no longer understand marriage -- biblical marriage. From the start, the union of a man and a woman was fundamental to the family and the family was fundamental to the society. It was a union, not a joint agreement. Repeatedly Scripture refers to it as "they shall become one flesh" (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:4; Eph 5:28). (Note: Even Jesus agreed.) Now, let's run with that image. A guy and a girl marry and "become one flesh." Then, well, things go sour. He doesn't love her; she doesn't love him. Time to move on. So ... each of them saw off a body part to be happier. How does that make sense? No, the initial and ongoing intent for marriage was "they shall become one flesh" for life. When the Pharisees asked Jesus if there was any cause for which one could divorce his wife, Jesus answered with a resounding, "No!" "What God has joined together let not man separate" (Matt 19:6). Why? Because "they are no longer two, but one flesh."
Well, we've grown way past that in our modern times. Body modification is an art today, both physically and otherwise. Almost literally cutting off one's nose to spite one's face, we routinely slash off spouses in order to be happy. Because "my happiness" is god and I will not allow anything or anyone to get in the way of that minimalist aim. Certainly not some measily real God who commands self-sacrificing love and lifelong devotion. So today's conservatives pound the tables and demand a return to encouraging marriage ... that statistically has a 50% failure rate and a sad reputation for stripping off joy. Not because either of these are representative of genuine marriage, but because we don't even know what marriage is anymore. Good luck with that. I, too, would urge a return to marriage. But I'm thinking of the actual version that God instituted and not some poor excuse for marriage that we've manufactured and called "marriage."
6 comments:
The very fact that the political ideology that constantly trumpets how important it is that we do things for the children, chooses to ignore this demonstrated reality puts the lie to everything they say on the topic.
As I understand it, unfortunately, the argument of that book isn't to promote 2 parent homes, but to some how remove the "privilege" of it. It seeks to bring down those benefits, not to try to bring up the family, as most modern liberalism does.
The loss of the idea of two becoming one has made marriage into a legal contract with no binding effect. Before, people got married young and grew together. Now, people grow up and try to find someone adaptable to their lifestyle.
From what I can see, David, the book is intended to say that kids with married parents at home are better off ("privilege") than those without. It's the inescapable conclusion that such a situation is preferred that is causing all the complaints.
I heartily agree with your overall theme here, Stan. I would tweak the wording for this section slightly for accuracy: “Marriage in modern America isn't working anymore. It's not because the institution of marriage isn't any good; it's because we no longer understand marriage -- biblical marriage.” I concur that is true in an overall sense, but there are many of us who do adhere to an understanding of biblical marriage and actually have one. In my own case, 45 years and going strong, praise God! :) I realize our happy situation is getting rarer and rarer, but we can be encouraged to know that biblical marriage hasn’t died out completely quite yet and also that even those in the world can see (however reluctantly) the benefits of that model.
There are certainly people who are marrying and remaining married today, but my concern is not the longevity, but the purpose, the definition, the reason. Very few, even among Christians, realize that marriage is the image God ordained to illustrate the "two become one," the relationship of Christ and His bride. Plenty are dedicated to their spouses, but the consciousness of that union is being covered over by Satan's work to blind the world to Christ. That's my concern.
I understand your concern. I recall learning about that purpose for marriage from our minister during pre-marital counseling, and I think I comprehend it--as much as I can as a finite individual anyway; a full understanding will come in the future!
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