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Monday, October 04, 2021

Sex in the City of Man

Most of us live in the current society. That means that most of us are immersed in the current world-think. Some of us try not to "drink the kool-aid," so to speak. We try to weed out the thinking of the world by keeping in view the thinking of the Word of God. It is, in fact, a command (Rom 12:2). But it's an uphill struggle. And slowly, but surely, we are likely to find ourselves slipping at times into worldly perspectives never intended by God and not be aware of it.

One of those common slippages occurs in the area of sex. This particular topic seems to splinter us. On one hand we see sexual sin around every corner and on the other hand we miss some sexual sin right in front of us -- in our own hearts. So difficult is this concept that some have jettisoned the whole idea of sex as "evil" or, at best, a "necessary evil." One of the Church Fathers, Origen (184-253 AD), came to believe that all sexual desire was sin and castrated himself. Two ends of the spectrum. So let's take a look at sex from a biblical rather than worldly perspective.

First, the plus side. Sex was not Satan's idea; it was God's idea. The first recorded command in Scripture was for Adam and Eve to "Be fruitful and multiply." (Gen 1:28). The only available mechanism for that was ... sex. So that command and that gift was from God. More than that, Scripture is clear that sex in marriage is good. By that I mean not only "a good and right thing," but even pleasurable and fulfilling. Solomon told his son, "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love." (Prov 5:18-19). Paul said, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband." (1 Cor 7:3). Sex in marriage was God's command and God's gift. It was designed to be practical (reproduction), fulfilling, satisfying, and a right. Sex in marriage serves as imagery (Eph 5:31-32) and an actual union of two people. Some of us are confused by that. Scripture is clear.

After that, however, we are easily misled. What's the easiest way to tell that we're being misled? It's the oh-so-common question, "How far can I go?" It's when we wish to press the boundaries. One possible misdirection would be, "Well, then, whatever I desire must be good." But you know that's not true. Scripture is full of warnings about sexual immorality. It was the big problem in the church at Corinth (1 Cor 5:1-5). Paul warned not even to eat a meal with a self-professed Christian involved in sexual immorality (1 Cor 5:11). Paul told them to "flee from sexual immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). Timothy was told to "flee youthful passions" (2 Tim 2:22). When Paul listed the "works of the flesh" in contrast to the "fruit of the Spirit" (Gal 5:22-23), he started with "sexual immorality" (Gal 5:19-21). So, yes, sex is a gift from God, but not all sex.

First and foremost, then, sex is a gift to the married. Anything outside of that is considered sexual immorality. The term encompasses premarital sex and extramarital sex and "private" sex. "Private" sex would be fantasy or personal desire (e.g., Matt 5:27-30). Beyond that, there are further considerations in married sex. For instance, Peter tells husbands to "live with your wives in an understanding way." (1 Peter 3:7). As we know, that's often a problem in the bedroom. If sex between husband and wife is going to be engaged in God's way, that needs to be considered. Another important point is Paul's very clear command (on the topic of sexual immorality), "Glorify God in your body." (1 Cor 6:19-20). How many of us ask, "Do our sexual practices glorify God?"? In the bedroom, we need to remember that our bodies are not our own (1 Cor 7:3-4) and that we are to "Outdo one another in showing honor." (Rom 12:10). Just as in general, in the bedroom we are to "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Php 2:3-4). All of these biblical principles ought to inform our sexual principles and practices in our marriages. Questions like "Is it okay to role-play in the marriage bed?" (Matt 5:27-30) or "Can we watch porn together?" (Matt 5:27-30; 1 Cor 6:18) or "Is it okay if I withhold sex from my husband?" (1 Cor 7:5) or "How can I get my wife to do what I want in our sexual relationship?" (1 Cor 7:4) all have answers from biblical principles.

There is another consideration to keep in mind. Paul said, "Sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead." (Rom 7:8). His topic there was covetousness, but he was explaining a broader principle. There is something in the (sinful) human heart that causes us to desire that which is forbidden. Because of this, we are often drawn to "the taboo," things we know are "naughty" but desire because we know it. We need to be on the lookout for this in our sexual activities with our spouses.

The world tells us that sex is fun and sex is pleasure and sex is "all about me." Scripture tells us that sex is God's gift, but it is to the married only. For the married, it offers a physical union and a spiritual union. For the married, it represents the image of God in us in reproduction. For the married it is intended to be pleasurable and fulfilling and giving and satisfying ... to the spouse first (rather than me). Sexual fulfillment for one's spouse is their right and ought to be our aim. Introducing sin in the marriage bed -- fantasy, "taboo," adultery, etc. -- is not God's idea of a good time (Heb 13:5). God has built married sex to be a wonderful giving of self to my literal "other half." We -- Christians -- ought not let the world's sinful ideas sully that beautiful gift from God.

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