Democrat Economy
"If you don’t want to help save the country," President Biden berated Republicans, "get out of the way so you don't destroy it." What destructive evil are Republicans doing in Congress? They aren't willing to allow the government -- already way beyond any sort of financially reasonable debt -- to raise their debt ceiling. You see, if you want to "save the country," you need to do all you can to bankrupt it or, at least, make sure our kids will never be able to survive the debt we lay on them. Get on it, Republicans!
Earning a Voice
You've heard about Senator Krysten Sinema being confronted in the bathroom for standing for what she believes is right. They demanded she vote for Biden's "Build Back Better" plan that would push the nation closer to bankruptcy. Why would she do that? "We knocked on doors for you to get you elected," they said, "and just how we got you elected, we can get you out of office if don't support what you promised us." Got it? Special interest groups saying, "We made you; you need to do what we say. If you don't, we'll take you out." But it's okay, I guess. President Biden called it "part of the process." Nice. And, of course, top democrats made one more plea to Sinema to knuckle under while she was in her shower. At least, so says the Bee.
Thou Shalt Not
Senator Grassley put his foot in his mouth. He said nice things about judicial nominee Lucy Koh, of Korean descent. "Korean people," he suggested, "have a hard work ethic and can make a lot out of nothing." Evil man. Never say nice things. Avoid stereotypes of any sort ... well ... of course ... unless it's "all whites are racist" or "all men are sexist"... you know, the approved, hateful stereotypes. But never think nicely of someone just because of some questionable stereotypes.
Loud and Clear
You may have thought that Democrats were a freedom-loving people. You may have been mistaken. President Biden continues to push for vaccine and testing mandates. Why? Because everyone knows that the COVID vaccine doesn't necessarily prevent you from getting COVID and it doesn't prevent you from spreading COVID and it doesn't necessarily keep you from dying of COVID and it doesn't last much more than 6 months, but it is our one and only glorious salvation from the evil COVID virus in our midst. And while abortion is a constitutional right (I'm still looking for that one), your freedom of choice is not. Thank you, Mr. President. We hear you loud and clear.
Meanwhile ...
California's governor -- he who shall not be named -- is requiring all school children to be vaccinated for COVID before they can come to school. Of course, the vaccine is not yet approved for 12-15 year olds except on a emergency basis and Pfizer has submitted approval for 5-12 year olds. but it's not yet done. And all the data says that people ages 0-18 have the least effects from COVID, including the lowest risk of death, but, hey, we don't care. Let's protect our children from the remote risk of death ... unless, of course, if the mother chooses otherwise. The Babylon Bee sees it as a ploy to promote homeschooling. Not sure how much of a joke that will turn out to be. Could be absolutely true.
Congratulations!
Women in America are rejoicing. "We can go back to killing our babies now!" A judge has blocked the Texas pro-life law as expected. Children are not to be protected by the courts. What kind of crazy constitutional right would that be? Fortunately, Target is launching a new "clump of cells" registry for the distressed bearer of cells on their way to the birth canal. Nice.
(A postscript for my regular readers. If you're looking for the humor at the end, you'll have to go back and read. I sprinkled it in the stories themselves. Kind of like an Easter egg hunt, you know?)
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