The pastor preached a sermon recently from Proverbs about creating family traditions. Well, specific traditions, like teaching your kids wisdom. He started off with the observation that parenting has decayed over time. It seems as if each subsequent generation of parents gets farther and farther removed from good parenting skills until very few these days even know that that means. For the vast majority, it's just, "Whatever I decide is best."
I observed that at my church there are no parenting skills being taught. There is no class for moms or dads to learn how to be good mothers and fathers. The Bible urges older women to teach younger women (Titus 2:3-5), and I think some of that is going on, but what are the older women teaching younger women about being good moms? What is their source of information? I ask because most of what I see and most of what I hear is our modern world's ideas. "You have to make 'me' time." And no one is teaching dads.
I raised a couple of boys. They're men now. They tell me I was a good dad. Now, I don't know if that's ignorance talking or actual. They told me that because I apologized to them for the mistakes I made as their father. But, thinking about "no one is teaching dads," I don't know if I would qualify myself as a good person to teach other dads, even with my sons' endorsement. Where do we get good parenting instruction? Where do we find good parenting principles? Where do we get good teachers and mentors for this? And if these are lacking as they appear to be lacking, is there any wonder that today's parents lack the skills and knowledge required to be godly parents? What I see offered most of the time is simply a secular notion of "good parenting" without any biblical backing.
Understand. I'm not complaining about "these modern parents." I'm not whining about "they're doing it all wrong!" I'm asking who has the secret code, the tribal knowledge, the experiential and biblical know-how to pass on to parents what God expects of them? I'm not complaining about "sin in the camp." I'm worried about families who don't seem to have the resources available to do the job. Parenting is a critical task in all societies. Christian parents should be the best informed and the most correct because they should have access to God's plan for that. I'm just concerned that they don't.
8 comments:
I would think that having raised children and how they turned out would give you the insight to be able to teach other fathers. We certainly have to admit that the places where you failed (or you think you failed) were safeguarded by God. But as you've grown as a father and a Christian, you have the ability to look back and tell other fathers where you went wrong and where you went right. And the first place you went right was your place in Christ and imparting that position on your kids. You may not have always had the same beliefs you had, but your foundation was good, the Bible. As with all the rest of life, if we base our actions on the principles found in Scripture, we have the best starting point for the rest of life.
Stan,
While I agree with you on this one, I think that the answer to your question is like parenthood itself. If you wait until you're ready to be a parent, you'll never be one. Likewise, if we expect that the only men qualified to teach younger men are the ones who got everything right, there will never be anyone qualified.
I'd suggest that being willing to walk alongside of a younger man and be willing to share both successes and failures wouldn't be a bad start. As would having the search to search for the answers, to look at what scripture says, and model that desire to be the best possible father.
I once heard someone respond to the "How do I know that I'm saved?" question by saying that the fact that the questioner cared enough to ask was a pretty good indication. I'd say that the fact that you care enough to ask these questions, and pursue the answers might be an indication that you're more qualified than you think.
David, I would think that "Look at how they turned out" might be a helpful indication of a good parent (although I would class it as "possibly helpful" because I know some kids turn out great with bad parents and some kids turn out bad with good parents). I'm wondering where you find biblical principles for parenting. I mean you personally.
Craig, I wonder if you don't have a key point there. Are people not getting good training on being parents (and I'm all for that kind of training in an "On-the-job" environment, not just "beforehand") because they just don't think they need it? I wonder. I suspect lots of people approach parenting without an actual plan or actual principles.
I'd think the Proverbs would have a good source of instruction about parenting. But primarily I'd look at how God parenting His children. I don't recall any specific passages, but there are certainly principles in Scripture. Since I won't ever be a father, I've never looked in depth for those passages.
Stan,
I'm not sure if that was the point I was trying to make, but I think you might be right to some degree. Although there are way more resources for new parents in terms of "how to" stuff, I'm not sure that there is a lot for the spiritual side of things.
Like much of Christian life, we're not going to find people without serious flaws to teach the next generation, so we should probably just acknowledge our flaws and do our best.
No, Craig, I'm pretty sure it wasn't what you were trying to say, but I gleaned if from there and thought it was helpful. :)
I participated in the raising of three girls...the first two were from my wife's first marriage. They were 3 and 1 when their mother and I began dating. They are now 40 and 37. The third was the child we produced together. I know she belongs to both of us because I saw her enter this world and she looks more like me...in a very beautiful, feminine version, that is. All three would be regarded as good kids by most everyone, but there's a difference between them. It took awhile to influence my wife toward more interest in God than her mostly CINO state of mind was in the beginning. And as the two were her children and not mine, I was less than the influence I should have and could have been in deference to her status as their actual parent. Thus, I find them both a bit lacking, one more than the other, while both being devoted parents and wives. My daughter, on the other hand, did get a bit more "hands on" guidance from a Christian perspective. We often engaged in discussions, and she now is a more regular church goer than I am. Unlike her sisters, she's also conservative politically. In some ways, I don't know where my influence mattered over her own knack of seeing things from a Christian and/or conservative perspective.
I say all this to illustrate some degree of distinction between how I dealt with the first two versus how I dealt with my own. The influence of a stable family (both "parents" present throughout) was important but only went so far. Expectations as well only go so far. Actual and direct guidance on issues of morality, faith, etc. is important, and how that impacts them is dependent upon how much the parent (father in this case) knows, understands and abides the faith.
There's also some degree of luck involved as well. All three girls had the innate desire to do well and to please their parents. They each were better students their either their mother or me...with a special emphasis on being better than me. Not every well intentioned and devoted parent are that lucky with every kid.
Stan,
That's great, I do things like that often.
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