A friend of mine is the manager of the produce section at the local grocery store. He has a lovely fiance and I asked him when they planned to be married.
"Well, we cantaloupe because I have a honeydew list that would kill a kiwi. Besides, I think we could berry get by on what I make. I would get a second job, but I have to ask myself, 'How far should a mango?' I have some collectible books that are in cherry condition I could get rid of, so maybe after I visit the book celery might consider saving up for a wedding. I mean, she's a real tomato and we make a wonderful pear. She's been a great date. I'd have to be out of my gourd not to marry her. I'd have to be some kind of a nut. And all that stuff about 'You have to be ready' is a bit corny to me. Besides, I don't really give a fig if we're rich or anything, so we'll be wed someday, kumquat will. I'll come up with the cabbage somehow. Something will turnip. If we didn't marry, I'm pretty sure it would make artichoke. He's going to be my best man, you know. So I yam sure we'll get married soon. But I gotta get to work, so, when we get married, orange you going to come? If so, I'll cashew then. Lettuce catch up then, okay, Herb?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him my name wasn't Herb. And I should have known better than to ask in the first place.
5 comments:
Puns are great.
Thanks a bunch for this humorous “word salad” of sorts today--a choice, cherry-picked selection in its peak! I was ripe for a laugh this morning, and puns really ap-peel to my core love of wordplay, so naturally, I must pick up where you left off.
It is clear that your friend thinks his intended is un-beet-able, a real peach, and the apple of his eye. I’m sure he’s told her, “I’m bananas for you; let’s never split.” Maybe he can find that plum job and increase his salary, but hopefully his currant financial woes don’t squash his dreams of a nice wedding. I wonder: If Art is to be his best man, will Logan, Basil, Dorian, Sage, and Bartlett be his groomsmen? And perhaps Ginger, Clementine, Cherry, Rosemary, and Olive will be the bride’s attendants. After they’re married, I hope his new wife proves to be a passion fruit rather than an Ugli fruit. As newlyweds, they should order the “honeymoon sandwich” from the hotel’s Room Service; it has no meat, cheese, or condiments on it, just lettuce alone [“let us alone” :)]. Let’s hope their love mushrooms over thyme; may it be fruitful and even produce a few little sprouts. (I guess that will romaine to be seen.) Alas, it won’t be long before he tells his new wife, “Don’t try to change me; I yam what I yam.” And she shoots back, “Don’t be un-raisin-able!” Now they are in a pickle!
In my comment above, salary should have been celery, of course!
This could Babylon forever, couldn't it?
Yes, I suppose it could, but only until it was no longer fruitful :).
Wow, in all the years I’ve been reading the Babylon Bee, I never noticed that “Babylon” sounded like “babble on” (as in the Tower of Babel--or “babble”)!
Post a Comment