Biblical Divorce

When we come to the question of divorce, many Christians rightly want to ask about biblical divorce. You see, many Christians understand that the Bible is the book that tells us what is right and good in God's eyes, and we understand that the world is often mistaken on these matters. So it isn't a surprise when the world says, "For any cause at all" and the Bible disagrees. It isn't a shock to learn that the world holds marriage in low regard when God holds it in high regard. I would think that any careful Christian would want to know what the biblical reasons for divorce would be.

Generally, when the question is asked, it is because "I'm in a bad place and want to find out if there is relief available." I mean, generally speaking, a believer in a happy marriage doesn't much care about "biblical divorce" because divorce is pointless. So generally speaking the question is more pointed: "Under what circumstances does the Bible allow me (or someone I care about) to get a divorce?" It is a potentially near-future possibility--an option--and we just want to examine the requirements of this option. So that's the question I'm looking to answer.

This was the question the Pharisees asked Jesus.

And Pharisees came up to Him and tested Him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" (Matt 19:3)

Simple question. Is there any cause for which it is lawful to divorce a wife? Jesus doesn't equivocate. He doesn't hem and haw. He makes an absolutely clear, unequivocal answer.

He answered, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matt 19:4-6)

Okay, so let's examine that. Let's see ... looking, looking ... nope! No grounds for divorce. At all. Zero. Jesus's answer was plain. "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Next!

For those of you seeking to find biblical grounds for divorce your spouse, you're done. Jesus said the two were now one. Jesus said God put them together. If you're interested in following Christ, the answer is "none". There are no biblical grounds for divorce for those who wish to follow God's instructions on the matter.

"Oh, now, come on!" you're likely to respond. "You've stopped short. You've missed the 'exception clause'. You're not done!"

Oh, have I? Well, let's see.

They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." (Matt 19:7-9)

First, He gave His answer. They responded (remember, they were testing Him, not seeking God's thoughts in the matter) with the objection. Second, Jesus said that divorce was always a product of a hard heart. Third, the "exception clause" is not an exception for divorce, but for remarriage.

This, as it turns out, is consistent with the other "biblical grounds for divorce" so often cited on the question. "Hey," you're going to say, "what about Paul's 'desertion' exception?"

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. (1 Cor 7:10-15)

The charge here to the Christian spouse is "should not separate". Oh, wait, that's not what you were expecting, was it? You were thinking this was an exception to the "no divorce" concept, weren't you? But isn't that what Paul says here. If you are a Christian, you should not separate from your spouse. If you do, either remain unmarried or reconcile. But it is best to remain with your spouse. The "exception" offered here is if the unbelieving (note that stipulation--unbelieving) spouse leaves you're not bound to the marriage. But, again, that has to do not with biblical reasons for divorce but for remarriage (1 Cor 7:27-28).

We weren't looking for biblical reasons for remarriage, were we? We were looking for God's Word on what constitutes good reason to divorce your spouse. The answer from both Christ and Paul is "none". The best you get from Christ is "hard-heartedness" and the recommendation from Paul is "be reconciled". Your first and best option, then, from Scripture is never get a divorce (Mal 2:19).

Do you find yourself divorced? That's a different question. Did you already make that step and get a divorce? That's not the same question. Are you thinking of remarrying or are you already remarried? Still not the same question. For any Christian who is married to a spouse, saved or unsaved, the biblical recommendation--you know, the recommendation from the lips of Christ and the rest of God's Word--is to remain married. I don't suppose that will be a warm idea to a lot of Christians. It should be, though, if your primary concern is doing what God wants. I would think that doing what God wants would be a better plan. If your question is "I'm in a bad place and want to find out if there is relief available," there is. Rest in the arms of Christ, for it is God who is at work in you both to will and to do His good pleasure (Phil 2:13).

Postscript
I've "hidden" this on a Saturday post because I'm pretty sure lots of people won't like it. We'll see if anyone notices.