We read in Scripture, "Confess your sins one to another" (James 5:16) and "Bear one another's burdens" (Gal 6:2) and the like. Good stuff, too. I mean, if we were open about admitting our sin and rightly expected that this openness would result in someone to help share the burden, it might make a big difference. Might. Because we don't typically confess our sins to one another and we don't typically expect anyone to help share the burdens of those sins, unconfessed or otherwise. Oh, no, these things are taboo.
Christians can be schizophrenic. We readily admit that we are sinners. Christianity is, in a way, a Loser's Club. The first prerequisite to get in is the clear admission that we are dead in sin and without hope if Christ doesn't intervene. Losers. Christianity holds that all have sinned and warns "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8). And yet ... once we're in this environment that starts with bad news -- our sinfulness -- and continues with the certainty that we will not achieve perfection this side of heaven, we don't seem to want to admit that we're sinners saved by grace. We seem to want to appear better than we are.
We are commanded to love each other, to bear each others' burdens, to confess our sins to one another, to pray for one another, and all of that, but we have a higher command. "Never let them see you sweat." Well, something like it. So we place conversational taboos in place and we just won't talk about it. Obviously if you have some sort of sexual attraction to the same sex, it isn't something you can talk about with fellow Christians. Feeling attractions to someone other than your spouse? Not allowed in discussions. Worse if it's a minor. Never coming out in conversation. There are just a pile of "really bad" sins that we do not have permission to struggle with. Pornography a problem? Well, that would be a relationship killer if it ever got out. Are you a smoker trying to kick the habit? That probably shouldn't become public knowledge at church. Alcoholic? Oh, definitely not something you can talk about, at least not with Christians. And there are regional issues as well. American Christians won't typically discuss beer drinking or dancing because, well, there's something wrong with those things, right? Not all Christians think so, but many American Christians do, so we won't discuss it and, if we do partake of a beer or a dance, we won't admit it.
Of course, it's not just that we're not willing to talk about this stuff. It's also true that one of the reasons we're not willing is because of the reaction we know we'll get. We may roll our eyes at those silly Amish who practice shunning at the drop of the hat because someone violates their sense of propriety, but, as it turns out, we do it ourselves. Try admitting to a porn problem or, worse, same-sex attraction and see how many will talk to you after that. Somehow it appears that you become the only sinner in church and they're afraid they might catch it.
So, we've decided that, although we know that the Great Commission is to "make disciples" and we know that we are to confess our sins and bear one another's burdens and all that, looking good to other believers is far better than being obedient to God. As a result, lots of us struggle in silence. We think we're the only ones, that no one else is struggling with the same thing and we're just going to have to tough it through on our own. It's wrong, but that's the way it is.
Brothers, these things ought not be. It is a cheap trick of the devil that he shared with African predators. Cut out the weak ones of the herd and take them down. So we let the "roaring lion" (1 Peter 5:8) fool us into thinking we can find safety away from the crowd and the crowd into thinking that they need to stay away from the weak ones and we go down in a heap. It's not necessary. But it's common. So where do we go to eliminate these terminal taboos? Where can we find those who are willing to share genuine burdens and admit real sins and struggles? Is there a safe place for this? It's not biblical. Will it continue to be our practice?
2 comments:
At my old church (of about 20-30 members), our assistant pastor admitted to the congregation that he had a problem with pornography. He stepped down from his position, because it was believed that disqualified him from the position according to Timothy (I think), and a couple months later, he left the church to find another. It is hard enough admitting one's own sins to family, how much more difficult to your Christian family.
True. I don't actually think that an "admission of guilt" -- confessing our sins one to another -- needs to be "total". That is, if I'm struggling with a sin that no one is aware of, confessing it to everyone when not everyone is affected may not be the right option. Confessing it to one or two from whom I can seek assistance and to whom I can be accountable might be better. On the other hand, a pastor with a porn problem might just be a "whole church" problem (disqualification for the position), so that may be appropriate there.
And I'm pretty sure that the primary reason we don't confess our sins one to another is exactly that the response is often terminal. I think the problem is both that I don't want to confess my sins to others and others don't handle confessed sins very well.
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