Marriage 101 - Introduction

I do not claim to be an expert. I have no accreditation, no degrees, no "divine knowledge", no superior intellect in this particular field. I'm just drawing from what I see in Scripture. I'm thinking, however, that given the assault on marriage which started long ago and that is only today ending with the complete redefinition of the term, it might be helpful to provide biblical input to those who wish to follow God's instructions and don't wish to succumb to the world's lies on the subject. (Besides, it's June, the month when lots of marriages take place. You who are new or soon to be ought to see this.)

(Note: This is "101". It is not intended to be in any way complete or comprehensive. There is so much more to be said on the subject. This is just a starting point.)

I have an idea. We need to revisit marriage counseling and take a different approach. The approach I am going to recommend is not necessarily new, but it is counter to the current method and, as such, perhaps revolutionary.

I'm speaking of a biblically-based counseling. It would have no bearing on those who do not recognize God's Word as a valid rule of life. But let's look at the structure of biblical instruction on marriage to find my "biblical approach to marital counseling". First we have Paul’s input:

²² Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³² This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Eph. 5:22-33)

Then there is Peter’s point of view:

¹ Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴ Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶ like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:1-7)

Here we have the two major, explicit teachings on husband/wife relationships. It only takes a brief moment to see an immediate pattern, but it's not the pattern you might expect. Notice that the first paragraph in each case has an addressee: "Wives". Notice that the second paragraph in each case has an addressee: "Husbands". Here we see a biblical pattern that must not be ignored. These authors, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, have addressed specific information to specific people. We cannot afford to skip over that.

The problem today is that it seems that all husbands know that wives are to submit, but most husbands don’t know what husbands are to be. The reverse is also true. All wives know that husbands are supposed to love them, but wives seem to have a real problem with the "submit" part. The problem is we keep reading other people’s mail.

So here's my new approach. How about if we agree that until you (husband or wife) actually meet the expected conditions addressed to you, you are not allowed to complain about your spouse's failure to meet the conditions addressed to them?

Now, as we proceed, we want to keep this idea in mind. Therefore, if you are a husband, do not read the sections entitled "The Role of a Wife". Instead, wait for "The Role of a Husband". Do not read the next few installments. They aren't addressed to you. Wives, you read the sections entitled "The Role of a Wife", but stop at "The Role of a Husband". That is not addressed to you. At the end we will see what we can do about letting you each see how the role of the other might be of some importance to you, but not yet.