Taking Offense

Recently some people I know found themselves embroiled in a family conflict. Their aging father wasn't acting wisely in his financial dealings with their youngest sister. (Of course, by "youngest" I mean "mid-40's".) They were concerned that he was being too easy on her and she was taking advantage of him. (There may have been other questions, like "What if his generosity to her ends up making us have to take care of him later?" or "What if he dies and she ends up getting more inheritance than we do?", but I'm hoping those were too obscure and too low for genuine consideration.) I warned the one to whom I am most closely connected not to get too heavily involved. She wasn't sure I was right.

The concept, I was taught, is called "taking up an offense". Here's how it works. You are not wronged, but someone else is and you are upset by it. You want to protect or defend them and you're angry, hurt, or otherwise disturbed by it all. (Think of all the demonstrations and riots over the Zimmerman/Martin thing and you'll get the sense of it.) The offender now has an unknown offense on the books, so to speak, because you are not the one actually offended, but you have taken up an offense on the behalf of another. I'm not talking about when you yourself have been offended. That happens. And the Bible has things to say about it (like "forgive" and "blessed are the peacemakers" and "turn the other cheek" and "don't let the sun go down on your wrath" -- that sort of thing). I'm talking about getting bent out of shape because someone has offended someone else, and you are upset about it.

This is not a wise thing to do. It puts you in an unresolvable position. The offender can't apologize to you because the offender didn't do anything to you and likely doesn't know you're offended. You can't "settle up" because you weren't wronged. The offense becomes a stumblingblock in your relationship with the offender and there's nothing that you can do about it because it wasn't your offense. Indeed, if you do contend with this offender, you do so against Scripture (Prov 3:30). Solomon wrote, "Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears" (Prov 26:17). It's just not a wise thing to do.

What are we told to do? We are to "bear one another's burdens" (Gal 6:2). We are to be peacemakers. I'm not suggesting we aren't to care or to minister or maybe even to intervene. But taking up an offense that is not yours is foolishness. Now, bearing one another's burdens, making peace, calling on people to repent, that sort of thing ... these are biblical. But you would do well to avoid taking offenses that aren't yours to take. You will have genuine cause for offense enough in this life without taking more than you're actually given.