True to Form

Some time ago he was walking into a store and noticed a woman coming in behind him. He was raised to be a gentleman, so he held the door for her. She was miffed. He got an ear full. "You men are all alike. Thinking we can't open our own doors. Thinking you're so superior. Thinking you're better than we are. You're just a male chauvinist pig!" She didn't even stand around to hear his humble response. "I'm sorry. No respect intended."

But he's had her harangue in his head ever since. It stuck with him. And lately he's started to identify with the whole "pig" idea. I mean, he's American, so you know he eats too much. That's a pig, isn't it? And he is happy about law enforcement which closely identifies him with those euphemistically referred to as "pigs" in the police force. He's not always neat, and everyone knows that's indicative of a pig. And he does try to open doors for women (and men, but let's not get bogged down here) and show respect to women and all that, which, after all, seems to be the definition of "male chauvinist pig". He's realizing, now, that he's a pig trapped in a human body.

So he's doing his research. They tell him that pig flesh is the closest thing to human flesh, so perhaps it won't be a difficult procedure. But he's happiest as a pig, so he thinks the right thing to do is to see if he can be changed into pig form. He is, after all, a pig inside, so no one should complain if he changes outside. He has to follow his heart, you know, and not be stuck in a overly rigid cultural mold that says, "If you're born a human, you have to stay a human." And in the meantime, he supposes he can start to live like one. It is how he feels, so it should be the right and moral thing to do ...