Terms of Endearment

Recently Pat Robertson informed his listeners to the 700 Club that divorce for the sake of Alzheimer's was a certainly acceptable course of action. I wanted to ask the reverend, "What about 'for better and for worse' or 'in sickness and in health'? What about 'til death do us part'?" Oh, he answered that last one. Alzheimer's, he assured us, is "a kind of death." I'm reminded of a line from a movie I enjoyed where a husband gave his wife a skunk. "It's a lot like a cat," he assured her. "Not enough like a cat," she responded. Not enough like death, Pat.

But I'm not writing about Robertson or divorce. I'm writing about our terms of endearment. No, not those words or phrases that we use to express affection. I'm talking about the terms we place on the love we give. In the case Robertson addressed, the healthy spouse had terms. "I will remain married to you ... as long as I get what I want/feel I need." Okay, maybe it's not completely accurate to call that terms of endearment. Maybe he/she would still say they loved their spouse. But it is still terms. It is, in fact, extremely common in our society. "If you don't give me what I want (make me feel good, satisfy my desires, do what I say, lose weight, whatever), I will withdraw what I am terming 'love' and we will part ways. The promises we've made and the commitments I've taken are null and void because you do not meet my terms." You see it in divorce. You see it in relationships. You see it in the employment world. You see it in families. It's all around. "Meet my terms or it's over."

The place that most disturbs me, however, is not in marriage or in family or in friendships. Oh, those do disturb me, but the one that really upsets my apple cart is the terms of endearment that we place on God. And we do it ... regularly and fervently. People routinely place terms on God that He has to meet in order to receive their affection. "I'll be religious as long as I don't have to stop doing what I like to do." "I'll worship God as long as He is a nice God who doesn't do things I don't like." "I'll follow God as long as I get what I want out of it and He makes no demands on me." And, indeed, when the terms aren't met (as they will not be), it is catastrophe. It is "losing my religion". It is "I won't believe in a God like that." "If that's what God is like, I don't want anything to do with Him." It's "I was once a Christian, but not anymore." And it's "I tried that born-again thing, but it didn't work."

When negotiating a contract, it is wise to have terms. (In fact, they define a contract.) When entering into relationships, terms are not so wise. "If you don't meet this, it's over." When entering into a relationship with the Creator of the Universe, there are no terms. Placing provisions on that relationship is not only foolish; it's dangerous. When it comes to meeting God, it has to be purely on His own terms. No other options.