When I was a younger man I made it my aim to make my wife happy. It seemed like a noble goal, the thing that good husbands were supposed to do. Of course, it took me a while, but I finally figured out that ... well ... it didn't work. You see, it is not possible to make someone feel something, and happiness is an emotion. I had determined for myself a goal that was not possible by myself. Now I think that I made a second mistake.
We often use the concept of happiness as a measure of success. That is, "if happy, then successful." If he is happy, he must be doing okay. If she is happy, someone must be doing something right. If my kids are happy, I must be a good parent. It's pretty common, I think. And the fact that I'm questioning that measurement tool might come as a surprise. But ... I am.
If you stop to think about it for just a moment, it doesn't really work. It occurred to me one day when I asked a woman I hadn't seen for awhile how she was doing. "Oh, great," she answered. "I got a divorce." "Oh, I'm so sorry," I responded. "No, no," she said, "I'm happy I got rid of the bum." Now, remember the formula: "If happy, then success." Drawing up this woman's perspective against the biblical perspective, we have a problem. She divorced him because she wasn't happy with him. No adultery, abuse, or any other popular reason. She just wasn't happy with him. Jesus said, "What God has joined together let no man separate." So now we have "happy" at odds with Jesus's reality.
I would guess that this happens much more than we realize. People who are at odds with God (Christian or not) will likely be happy about things that do not please God. Even if they're not actually at odds with God in a conscious sense, the old man will be at war with God's ways and, therefore, the tendency of sinful Man will be to be happy about things that God is not. And no matter how you cut it, that cannot be considered "success". That would be considered "sin". We might think "Well, they're smiling, so it must be a good thing", but that doesn't take into account sin, does it? Perhaps, then, happiness is not a good measure of success, and we who think so might need to rethink.
I started with "when I was a younger man" because it sounds like I have this figured out. I put that there to, well, make me feel better. That's because I don't. I still make that mistake. I mistake "peaceful" for "success", "happy" for "success", and more. That's because I still tend to lose sight of what God really wants and sometimes end up on the Man side ... you know, the side opposed to God. It's something I'm working on. If you aren't aware of it, it makes it difficult for you to work on it, too. So, now you are. You're welcome.
3 comments:
Ah, yes... reaching for something that is temporal. Joy is a state of being and happiness is that fleeting moment when we open that bestest present ever. It's a feeling that is fickle. How I wish I could feel it more often, yet when it is gone, what is that? A depression left by the leaving? Or is it dissatisfaction? Gosh, my head is about to explode with all this cerebral-ness.
I read what someone else wrote recently (which spawned this post) about how they made a difficult choice and weren't sure it was a good one, but "seeing how happy they were" told her that it was. I thought, "Bad measure of success."
AMEN! However, I have experienced a huge measure of joy and peace when I've settled into God's will. You know, stepping in His steps or sitting on His feet. So that could be happiness.
There was this social psychology experiment I studied in college. These scientists "discovered" that people who went to church at least once a week were happier people than those who went less often. They did not share the questions used to gauge the levels of happiness. I was just happy to see scientists studying the relationship of going to church with mental health...
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