I recently wrote an article entitled "Preying" where I warned about the problem of becoming prey. The easiest way to do this is to become disconnected from the group. The other primary factor is to become weak. (Wow, did I really sum up that whole post in three sentences? Obviously I'm over-writing stuff.)
There is a sad irony in Christian circles that ... well ... should not be. Christianity is about restoring a relationship with God. It is about forgiveness. It is about sanctification -- being conformed to the image of Christ. It is, by its very nature, a "losers' club" where people begin by admitting that they're not able to fix their sin problem and need God's assistance. Beyond that, Christianity is full of help for believers who sin. So ... why is it that we don't see it that way at all?
Think about it. Most people in general and Christians in particular, hearing that someone was, say, divorced, would have no interest in hearing what that person had to say about marriage. They failed! Why would they have anything helpful to say? This, of course, makes no sense. "Don't do what I did" is an excellent insight. It's not as if failing at something means you no longer have any insight into that something. Indeed, if you learn from your failures, you may have greater insights.
But, let's be honest, that's not the way it works in the church. Take, for instance, the problem of pornography. If I meet an adult male who tells me, "I have no problem with that at all", I assume that either he is lying to me or to himself. Oh, sure, there are an extreme few who don't suffer from that problem ... but that is an extreme few. Still, if you found out that your adult Sunday School teacher or one of your elders or, heaven forbid, even your pastor had to work through temptations over pornography, well, then, he has to go! And not being in one of those positions doesn't help, does it? The usher, the guy who runs sound, that nice man sitting down the row from you ... if any of them actually admitted a struggle in that arena, we wouldn't tend to want to come alongside, see what we could do to help, engage in restoration, that sort of thing. No, no, those people are bad. "Well," the lady next to you says with a huffy tone, "It's a good thing my husband doesn't have a problem with that stuff!" Trust me, lady ... he probably does.
And so we end up pushing the weak out of the herd, borrowing from that previous metaphor. They believe that they suffer a rare malady that most Christians don't suffer. It's something that they can't talk about, something that they can't seek help for. I mean, no one would want them around if they did, right? If only they could be more spiritual like all those others in the church are! And we end up throwing our own to the lions.
Brothers, these things ought not be! Here's what I suggest. "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed" (James 5:16). Yeah, I know, silly. Just a suggestion. Well, maybe not my suggestion.
5 comments:
This puts me in mind of those who suggest hypocrisy in parents who warn their kids against drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, pre-marital sex of any kind because said parents may have engaged in those vices themselves. Good gosh. If that were something to guide one's parental oversight, my kids would be free to do all sorts of nasty things I wouldn't want them to do. As you suggest, who would know better of the dangers of dangerous behaviors than those who have indulged in them? These holier-than-thou types, who are quick to throw the first stone, seem to forget that law enforcement often learns best how to defeat crime by consulting with criminals and learning how they did what they did. In a similar way, those who have sinned may indeed be most capable of instruction, particularly if they have suffered as a result of their behaviors. "Trust me. You don't want to go there!"
I am, however, torn when it comes to pastors who are exposed as perpetrators of sinful behaviors. It is not impractical or illogical to expect persons of higher quality in leadership positions, though they are still imperfect human beings like the rest of us. However, I would be less likely to see them step down if they admitted their own imperfection and need for help before being exposed. We are all tempted and struggling with worldly desires. If a pastor acts like one of those holier-than-thou first-stone-thrower types, and THEN is exposed, bounce him, replace him, and THEN offer help. I think this policy is appropriate, especially considering some of the congregation are kids who need to see consequences for bad behaviors.
Those parents of which you speak were certainly near the center of my thoughts here. You're right. It is not hypocrisy when someone says, "Don't do this. I did it and I was wrong." It is hypocrisy when someone says, "Don't do this. Ignore the fact that I did. I was okay, but you're not." It is, I believe, quite effective for a parent to tell a child (as an example), "Don't take drugs" and, when the child complains, "But you did" they would reply, "Why do you think I'm telling you not to? I know the dangers and pains and pitfalls and I'm trying to spare you."
On the pastor issue, I am absolutely in agreement that a pastor caught in some serious sort of sin ought to step down. Absolutely we need the leadership of our churches to be at a higher standard than the rest. Absolutely. That's why the qualifications for elder in Scripture are not the qualifications for Christian. The leaders need to be held to a higher standard.
But here's my dilemma. Let's say that a pastor is not indulging in a particular sin, but is sorely tempted. Oh, let's say that once in awhile he even stumbles, but not any kind of ongoing thing. Now, maybe this guy should step down (I'm with you about the hypocrite that says, "Thou shalt not" while secretly engaging in the same practice and with the stone-thrower who is caught in the very sin he is throwing stones at), but if it is not indulging in that sin, I don't know. More to the point, where will he go to get help? He can't go to people in the congregation. "What? You struggle with that??? Oh, man, that's the last time I listen to one of your sermons!" He can't go to other pastors. "What?! You struggle with that??! Oh, man, maybe you're not spiritual enough to be a Christian, let alone a pastor." I mean, if rank-and-file Christians can't go anywhere to talk about these things together, pastors are much worse off. So where do they go? Where do any of us go?
That's a good point. But I would hope that other ministers, at least some of them, would understand that the dude is reaching out and help him through it. He could also seek help from a Christian psychologist. Perhaps even seek help from a minister or priest of a different denomination so as to not risk any misunderstandings from within his own circle. Just some thoughts.
Oh yeah, as for where do the rest of us go, ministers are supposed to help us with that sort of thing, but the suggestions I made above would work for lay people as well I would think. I know one thing: I'm not keen on the idea of confessing to the congregation and would want to keep some things private, just between me and the pastor or psychologist. The community doesn't need to know specifics in order to pray for me or anyone else.
And this was primarily what I was addressing in the post. Christianity, by definition, is a religion of losers. We're sinners in need of saving, born sinners with a tendency to struggle with sin for our entire lives. If we approached our Christian walk from that perspective, it would seem that, instead of a circle of fear and privacy, we could share with each other and support each other. The pastor wouldn't need to go to another denomination for help because his own denomination and his own people would understand that he's human and every human has problems with temptation and we need to support one another. You wouldn't be concerned about keeping things private -- just between you and your pastor or therapist -- because you'd understand that they'd understand because all of us suffer from common maladies. That's how it ought to be. It is not, and that was my point.
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