What do you want for Christmas?

All around the country hundreds of Santa-suited store employees are asking this question of thousands of children gullible enough to think he cares or it matters that they tell him. We're not that gullible. I suspect, though, that many of us have also given up asking the question of others. You see, thanks to the magic of gift cards, we don't actually have to know anymore what the people we wish to gift really want. We just give them a piece of plastic loaded with some money and they go get what they want. Success!

With rare exceptions, I don't like gift cards. I'm not talking about getting them. I'm ambivalent about that. It's giving them that bothers me. What is it that makes us give people gift cards? (And what kind of nut spends any time analyzing a question like that?) If you think about it, there are normally two reasons for giving gift cards. First, the people to whom we are giving them are often far away. They're not next door. They're not in town. We are mailing them a gift, and what could be easier than tucking a little flat piece of plastic into a cheery greeting card and -- voila! -- we've given them a gift. So much more convenient than wrapping a box and trudging off to the post office to mail it. The other reason is equally common. We frankly don't know what they want. Either the people we know have so much that we can't imagine what more would please them, or we are too far removed to actually know what they would want or need. "My niece is a teenager and I don't have a clue what she would want, so I'm sending her a gift card and let her get what she wants. Then if she doesn't like it, she's got no one to blame but herself." I actually overheard that in a conversation the other day (the curse of riding the light rail). That pretty well encompasses the idea. Ignorance and/or apathy. I don't know and I don't care.

Maybe you see now why I don't care much for giving gift cards. On one hand, the people I love are too far away. Gone are the days of the nuclear family, of close relatives being geographically close. The idea of staying close to family, in fact, seems abhorrent to a lot of people these days. Truth be told, much of my family and my wife's family live in generally close proximity, and it was she and I that moved away, so I'm not pointing fingers. It's just unfortunate in my view. The other sad part of gift cards is that we don't know the people we're giving gifts to anymore. Part of that may be geographical separation. Part of it is simply being "rich Americans". Everyone knows the question, "What do you give to someone who has everything?", but these days too many of us fall in that category. The other side, though, is just that we don't care enough to know that stuff. And even if we do, like that person I overheard on the train, we're pretty sure they won't be grateful. A general sense of entitlement has stolen a lot of our sense of gratitude, and "that's all I get?" is just too common. Why bother? Send a gift card. Let them be responsible for getting what they want.

Kind of steals the fun, if you ask me. Getting people things they want, seeing them discover it with joy, hearing a spontaneous "Oh, I love it ... thank you!" -- these are not quite as common as they once were. No one ever liked Aunt Mabel's knit sweaters or Gramma's homemade fruitcakes, and the disease has spread from there. I want what I want and you're not likely to get it right. Don't try. "Yes (sigh), I wanted jewelry, but this necklace isn't what I had in mind." So close ... so far. Oh, there are times when the gift card works. Sending the young, struggling newlyweds a gift card to their favorite restaurant is almost like taking them out to eat (without actually having their company). It is thoughtful. (You know they like to eat out but can't much.) It is personal. (You know what their favorite restaurant is.) It's appreciated. It's rare.

What do I want for Christmas? Nothing, thank you. I'm pretty satisfied with all I have. I know. Unacceptable answer. People feel they need to get me something. I'll be grateful for a gift card. And I'll be sending them out as well. I just don't like what it says about me. That's all.