A Tribute

I'll be traveling tomorrow -- a trip to California. It's not a pleasure trip. My wife and I will be attending a funeral. One week ago my wife's mother passed away. I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to my mother-in-law.

She came into this world on December 1, 1933 in Glencoe, Minnesota. Born Donna Mae Howe, she married John Sustacek (pronounced soos-ta-chek) in September, 1951. They moved to California in 1956 with two little children and stayed.

Donna was a "liberated woman." By that I mean that she was free of all the garbage that so many other women have picked up since. While so many today think that the only truly liberated woman is the one encumbered by the need to be a corporate climber, Donna had the most fulfilling job. She was a homemaker. Now, don't pass that off too quickly. She was a true homemaker. While John went off to work and provided the income for what was to be six children, Donna made a home. She sewed clothes, made costumes at Halloween, gardened -- growing fruits and vegetables -- remodeled and repainted, painted, stitched, fixed. She did what was needed to make a home. Beyond the practical, she made a home atmosphere. To this day she has a host of kids, now adults, who grew up thinking of her home as their second home, her as their adopted mother. Many of her girls' boyfriends would often return long after ending their relationships with her daughters just to visit "Mom Sustacek." This place was a home. While her grandchildren had homes and families, many of them still think of "Gramma's" place as their second home. Donna was a true homemaker and she did it very well.

Donna Sustacek was a truly remarkable woman. She was the product of an earlier generation. She was careful with their money while remaining generous to a fault. She would find deals at garage sales or second-hand stores for things she knew her daughters or her neighbors or her grandkids would love and snatch them up to give them. She loved people. She came from that older community mind when you cared about your neighbors and they cared about you. She took part in organizing neighborhood parties and providing meals for people in need. There was the annual 4th-of-July block party for which she would organize, decorate, and participate with vigor. In her last days, neighbors would come to her side or sing outside her window, her beloved friends to the end. The vast numbers of people whose lives she touched became evident when the family set about trying to notify interested parties about the funeral. There were old boyfriends that her daughters had dated and still kept in touch. There was an old girlfriend from her grandson's earlier dating. There were neighbors who had lived in other neighborhoods and never lost touch, friends and family throughout the country, and people from around the world.

A couple of years ago, Donna suffered a stroke. There were difficult times for her, but she battled back to become herself again. Donna was always a fighter. She would fight for her family, fight for her home, fight for her values. She fought the stroke. But in the months that followed, the doctors discovered cancer near her heart and lungs. A year after her stroke, she was again in physical trouble. There was pneumonia and cancer and the effects of cancer treatment. But she fought back again, and prevailed. Early this year she faced the fight against death again. Doctors were certain in April that she was not long for this world. Her family gathered to say goodbye. Of course, Donna was still a fighter. She stayed through May when I visited her when I went to my older son's college graduation. Though weak and being fed by a tube, she promised to remain until I could come back in June. She kept her promise when I came out for my son's wedding. Beyond "hanging on," she improved. In the months that followed she gave up the hospital bed they had brought into the house for her and, though weak, she continued to improve. In late September they bought a small RV because she wanted to go to her grandson's football games, but needed a place to rest at times. They planned to travel to Texas to see their newest granddaughter in early October. Then she was hit again with pneumonia. In the hospital, she suffered a heart attack. Then the doctors discovered the cancer had returned in force. It was wrapped around her heart. The doctors said she was dead ... her body just didn't know it. On Friday they stopped giving her water. She insisted on going home to die. They assured her she wouldn't survive the 5-mile trip. But Donna was a fighter to the end. She did make it home. She hung on desperately until every last one of her children made it to her side and said their goodbyes.

Donna Mae Sustacek died on October 23, 2008, almost a week after the doctors determined she was dead and longer than most say you can survive without water. I don't know what kept her going so long. Maybe it was that she was a fighter. Maybe it was her big heart. She lapsed into a coma five days before and went peacefully in the evening. She is survived by her husband, John, her six children, Michele, Margo, Maureen, John, Jeff, and Mindy, her twelve grandchildren, her four great-grandchildren, and the host of various and sundry people who will always think of her as "Mom Sustacek" regardless of their blood relationship with her. A wife, a mother, a grandmother, a true homemaker, a fighter, a neighbor, a seamstress, artist, builder, worker, cook, fixer of all things ... Donna was a larger-than-life woman. She will be missed.

It is said that there is no "expiration date" on people. It isn't true, you know. Everyone expires. If you, like me, believe in God, everyone expires when they're supposed to. It doesn't always make you feel better at the time. It doesn't make their passing immediately less painful. It doesn't make it pleasant. Still, it's good to know that our dear Mom Sustacek will always be dearly loved, fondly remembered, and went at exactly the right time. She left this world last week, but she will not leave our memories or our affection ... ever.