Rules for the Lazy

I wonder sometimes if people don't make rules simply because they're too lazy to think. Most often we think of rule makers as folks with a power complex. I have to wonder if that's really the case. How many times do you see rules made simply so people don't have to take personal responsibility?

Take, for instance, the recent case where a school banned the game of tag. "Intense aggression" was the charge. Touch football was also banned. You see, kids were getting hurt playing these games. So, instead of analyzing individual children or considering the affect of overprotective school administrators on the development of young children, they banned the game entirely. They said it wasn't your original version, but a more aggressive version where they would pile on someone and make them try to break out. Whatever you do, don't intervene in that. Just ban the game! In other words, "Don't make me think about real issues. Just make an overarching rule so I can have some peace."

Or how about the school last year that instituted a "no-touching rule" where students could be disciplined for holding hands or high-fiving. The problem, the administrators said, was that sometimes touching became inappropriate or led to fighting. The remedy? Ban touching. Problem solved. Administrators don't have to consider the term "inappropriate." And if the kids don't get the opportunity to learn what appropriate touching might be, whose problem is that? Certainly not the school's.

Our world is thick with this concept. Is there a problem? Let's make a great big rule so it can't happen again. Let's make a "zero tolerance" rule so we don't have to think about individual cases. Let's make a rule that affects everyone so that even if some individuals don't really need them, we don't have to think about it. Let's make a rule for everyone in the company so that when my subordinate breaks the rule, I don't have to answer for it.

But let's not blame schools or administrators or society. You'll get this in your own homes. A father will tell his daughter, "You're not going out dressed like that." The daughter will appeal to her mother. "Mom! It's not fair." What does Mom do? As often as not, what you'll hear is "Do what your father said." You see, here it's "You and me, kid. We're stuck. Your father made the rule. We have to live with it. Tough, isn't it?" It's not too often that you'll hear, "You know that what you're wearing isn't appropriate. Go up and change." No, let Dad be the bad guy and Mom be the sympathetic ear. That's the same concept. Dad has made a rule and Mom is going to use it to her advantage. (Please, folks, if the situation is reversed -- and it often is -- take the point to heart, not the illustration.)

Doing what is right is often hard work. It takes time. It takes attention. We've bought this notion that "everyone should be treated the same" while we're also convinced that no two people are the same. We think that all things must be equitable meaning, to us, equal. For instance, if I spend $20 on a gift for a 10-year-old for his birthday, then the 5-year-old had better get a $20 gift for hers as well. (I actually know parents who tally up the amount spent at Christmas and verify that each kid gets the same amount.) Or maybe it's not equality. Maybe it's love. Love demands time and attention as well. Teaching a kid to do their homework is a lot more work than doing it for them. Helping a child learn to handle tough situations by staying out of the way when necessary is a lot harder than stepping in and fixing things. We want to make rules ("Each kid should receive the same amount" or "Make life easy for my kids" or ...) so that we don't have to think and we don't have to work at it. Is it any wonder that schools have banned tag, instituted "no-touching rules", or generated nonsensical "zero tolerance" conditions? Are we really surprised that society makes broad, sweeping rules when they don't need to so they don't have to consider the individual? Doing the right thing is hard work. Maybe we ought to consider doing hard work.