Teach Your Children Well

Most parents are quite aware that they are required to teach their children. When it comes to raising their own offspring, "the buck stops here." Sure, there are resources. We can use church and Sunday school and teachers and relatives, but the ultimate responsibility lies with the parents.

So most parents are careful in what they teach their children. They tell them to mind their manners. They tell them not to beat up their younger sister. They tell them to say "Please" and "Thank you". They tell them to obey the policeman. They tell them to avoid strangers. They tell them what they need to be good kids.

Something is missing, of course. There is more to teaching children than what you tell them. There is more to raising children than telling them the right things and finding good teachers for them. Unfortunately, many parents never consider the most common form of teaching: modeling. What do you model for your children? What behaviors do you teach them by your behavior in front of them?

When you yell at your spouse, what are you teaching your children? When you go for a walk with them and cross in the middle of the street, what are you teaching your children? When you take a drive and you're going 65 in a 55 zone, what are you teaching your children? Do you model self-centeredness or selflessness? Do you teach charity by example or only in words? We are careful about what we tell our children, but we rarely consider what our actions tell our children. And I'm convinced that our actions speak louder than words.

I wonder what a kid thinks when their parent is breaking speed laws and telling them, "You have to obey the law." How does a child process that? You may (or may not) think, "There are some laws I can break that don't matter; I know the difference." The child doesn't know that and cannot process it. So when they become teenagers and try drugs, we're shocked. "What made you think you could do that?" Well, the likely answer is "You did", but you probably won't hear it. Is it any surprise that young children are using language that would make your hair curl simply because their parents use that language? I wonder what a child concludes when their parents tell them, "You must respect your parents" but show no respect for each other. I would imagine they're somewhat surprised when they mimic your tirade at Mom and you berate them for it. "Show your mother some respect." They may not say it, but they are certainly thinking, "Why? You don't." We sternly warn our children not to tell lies. They must always be truthful. Of course, when the phone rings and it's your mother-in-law and you tell them, "Tell her I'm outside", will they be able to distinguish the difference between the lies they're not supposed to tell and the ones you do?

Sure, there are things that adults can do that children cannot. Children cannot drive; adults can. Children must not drink alcohol; adults may. And those things need to be taken into consideration. But I'm quite sure that each of us are guilty on a regular basis of teaching our kids by example things that we would never want them to learn by choice. Maybe ... just maybe we ought to consider the classroom of our actions and make the necessary shifts in those activities to demonstrate the behaviors we want them to learn.