Just for fun … because you can't be serious ALL the time.
Top Classics
• Time travel joke — I’d tell you a joke about time travel… but you didn’t like it.
• Construction joke — I’m working on a construction joke, but I’m still building it.
• Elevator joke — Elevators are great—they really lift your spirits.
Food & Kitchen Groaners
• Spaghetti joke — I’m reading a book about anti gravity pasta. It’s impossible to put down.
• Egg joke — Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
• Cheese joke — What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Nerdy Dad Jokes
• Math joke — Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it wasn’t greater or less than anyone.
• Physics joke — I tried to make a chemistry joke … but all the good ones Argon.
• Computer joke — Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
Animal Dad Jokes
• Cow joke — What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
• Dog joke — I told my dog to stop chasing people on bikes. He said, “I can’t help it—I’m a cycle path.”
• Fish joke — Why don’t fish do well in school? They’re always swimming below sea level.
Everyday Life Dad Jokes
• Car joke — I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
• Laundry joke — I tried to catch some fog yesterday. Mist.
• Calendar joke — I got a job at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a couple days off.
One liners That Never Miss
• Stairs joke — I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
• Broken pencil joke — I’d tell you a joke about a broken pencil … but there’s no point.
• Dad joke about dad jokes — I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
2 comments:
Wow, “Humor” three times in the past seven days--what a treat (although I equally love the serious posts). I am sticking with your theme of one-or two-liners, puns, and general lexophile humor here.
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
“All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.” Police have nothing to go on.
“Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.”
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory--I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
“Earthquake hits Washington.” It’s obviously the government’s fault.
He had a photographic memory, although it was never developed.
How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
If you take a laptop computer for a run, it might jog your memory.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
“The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.”
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Velcro--what a rip off!
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
When chemists die, they barium.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
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