Marriage Advice

Her husband died several years ago and she was considering remarrying. Her kids were grown, but his were still at home. She wanted advice. "How do I navigate this blended family thing?" The temptation is to come up with a 12-step plan or something, some pithy approach with practical instructions. But it's not that simple, you understand. Every person in this equation is different. Every condition is variable. There is gender and age, attachments and distances, perceptions and preferences, personality and personal motivations, a list that just keeps coming. All influenced by each other. It's not that easy. There are so many varieties and variables that it would, in fact, seem impossible.

It occurred to me that there was an answer. It just wouldn't be ... satisfying. The single answer was simple: "love." "Oh, great," I can hear some groaning, "all we need is love, right?" Too vague. Too simple. Inadequate. And I'd agree if we were talking about today's modern version. Warm feelings. Affection. "Feel good toward everyone" is just not very helpful advice. Except that's not the love I'm talking about. This love is more ... biblical. This love does nothing from selfishness or empty conceit; it regards others as more important than me (Php 2:3). This love looks out first for the interest of others (Php 2:4). This love gives up self and seeks only the best for those it touches. It doesn't seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not keep accounts of wrongs (1 Cor 13:5). It is, above all, patient and kind (1 Cor 13:4). This love endures (1 Cor 13:7). Sure, it is actually a death to self, and that's really what makes it work, but it's not like the one who loves loses because it is premised on the fact that you are loved perfectly and completely already by God (Rom 5:8). That simply makes you an open conduit to flood those around you with His love because, after all, you already have what you need.

Simple answer, sure, but not simply accomplished. It is, however, the answer to most interpersonal conflicts and questions. It is commanded. And it is well supplied. "In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10). In fact, we love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Sure, it's a simple answer. Die to self and give all. But it is amazingly effective. And it is clearly something not accomplished by human effort.