Connection

I'm always hesitant to refer to "the good old days", so I'll avoid it now, but it seems like times have changed, and not always for the better. I was discussing with my brother the differences between our day and our parents' day. When we celebrated their 50th anniversary a few years ago, we had to pare down the list of invitees so we could fit them in the large hall we rented. People came from around the country, friends for decades eager to celebrate these two people who have been part of their lives. The same was true for my wife's parents at their 50th anniversary, and for my brother's in-laws. Yet, we were bemoaning, the likelihood of us having any such a gathering is remote. Why?

I suspect it is because our culture has changed. In our parents' day there was more of a community, more of a sense of "us". There were connections, long-standing friendships, neighbors who lived in the same home for life, and so on. But things have changed. Why are we so disjointed? I will offer a few contributing factors that I see.

One is the change between a father who worked and a mother who stayed home to both parents work. In their day, neighborhoods were full of mothers and their children. These women formed friendships, community, connection. They were the social glue of society. Women, I think, are the socializers of the family. Men will sometimes do one on one, but women are more likely to arrange gatherings. Today, however, women are busier with business. They're at work helping support the family. Someone else is raising the kids because it's very difficult in very many places to support a family with one income. (Of course, much of the difficulty is because we are sold a bill of goods about what we "need" and where happiness comes from, but that's another issue.) So as families have split off to go to work, our communities have lost some of their coherence.

One of the culprits in the problem is air conditioning. Okay, that's an oversimplification. But think about it. In days gone by, there was no air conditioning. So the weather turns warm and where would families go? They would go you out on the porch. And across the way their neighbors were out on the porch. Since then, we've acquired air conditioning. Now when it gets hot, we shut the doors behind us and sit in the cool of the indoors. Now, I am clearly being simplistic, but you get the idea. We have TV and computers, microwaves and frozen dinners and everything we need to avoid interacting with our neighbors. We are self-contained and safely insulated from the world around us by our pleasant technology.

Beyond this, our culture is breeding separation. Prior generations were neighborhood driven. Today is "me" oriented. In the past a man had a career. Now he has a job that he holds until something better comes along. There were connections at work, connections at church, connections at home. It wasn't about "me" as much as it was about "us". Someone once said, "You come into a room in two ways: Either 'Here I am' or 'There you are!'" We've indulged and even glorified the shift from "you" to "me".

One of the leading problems is the failure of the family. Some of it is disintegrating families. There is more strife, less harmony. Our media today tells us that parents are stupid and kids are wise. Our sitcoms glorify loser husbands and lousy wives and cynical children. The mere suggestion of the Leave It To Beaver lifestyle as something good and wholesome is laughed off the planet. Some of it is simple distance. As our transportation and civilization expands, families lose coherency. Children no longer work in their father's shop. They're off to another town, another state, working at whatever job they think will give them the best return without regard for the ties of family. Parents retire and move to warmer climates, making time with children and grandchildren occasional rather than commonplace. The family is falling apart.

There are lots of reasons, I'm sure. There are more than I've suggested. My goal here is to bring it to our attention. Connections are vital. Family is core. Fellowship is essential. It is counter to our culture, but we need to work at a unity in neighborhoods, church, and family that is at the core of the things of value. It may cost us, but anything worth having usually does.