In typical friendly interactions, it isn't unusual to hear good friends exchanging playful insults—saying things that, taken as sincere, would be cruel and hurtful. We even have a word for it: banter—the friendly exchange of teasing and insulting remarks. But it’s just in fun, right? We don’t take it personally, so it’s okay. Or is it? The Bible seems to disagree.
Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34). Words are diagnostic in that sense—they reveal the heart.
Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). Note the various points. First, his command is all-encompassing. “No corrupting talk.” Second, the purpose: building up. Third, the motivation: give grace. Does our speech among friends reflect that?
Proverbs says that “rash words are like sword thrusts” (Pro 12:18). Not necessarily harsh words; rash words.
James compares the tongue to a ship’s rudder because our tongues can serve to direct us (James 3:4), for example, in terms of the direction of our relationships, our reputations, our hearts. Does our speech direct us toward godliness and love, or not?
David prays, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, YHWH, my rock and my redeemer” (Psa 19:14). Who are we trying to impress with our words, our banter?
Paul wrote, “Brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Php 4:8). That’s quite a list, but I’m looking, and it doesn’t seem to include “banter” as a place for our minds to dwell.
God’s Word puts a lot more emphasis on the tongue, the mouth, the way we speak than we seem to. Maybe we’re allowing, for the sake of fitting in, that which breaks God’s heart. Maybe we’re being conformed to this world without noticing. I know I do it myself. In my coherent moments, it bothers me. I need to practice the controls that James commands (James 3:1-12). I need to pray with David, “Set a guard, YHWH, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” (Psa 141:3)
2 comments:
It must be God that puts the guard over my mouth, because when I consider the banter afterward, it wasn't as if I was holding on to this thing to say, it just sort of fell out of my mouth, unthinking. I've been wondering if I'm overthinking this because even people I look up to spiritually do it, frequently. Listen to any Q&A panel at a Ligonier conference and there will be ribbing between the pastors/theologians. As you point out, the Bible speaks frequently in the control of the mouth, but since it doesn't specify banter or friendly ribbing, does that fall into the dreaded "liberty" category, or should we really consider how what we say reflects upon Christ to the world?
When it comes to people ribbing, teasing, or joking with others in the manner you describe, I am mindful that there is usually an element of truth behind what they say--albeit veiled behind “I’m only joking!” The jokester is quite often not, in fact, “only kidding” but is using sarcasm and humor as a weapon. (As it happens, I have an in-law who does this to me, and it falls flat, since I easily see clear hostility in the remarks he delivers with a chuckle.) Since I am a forthright person and tend to “say what I mean and mean what I say,” I find that I don’t engage in this type of banter (except with my husband, who truly knows the nature of my wise cracks and vice versa). I don’t consider this banter as serious a transgression of the tongue as, say, course, profane, or dishonest speech, but I see it as somewhat immature, possibly insensitive, and generally unproductive.
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