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Monday, January 05, 2015

A Thought Exercise

Ever since I was very young I've understood that I am ... inferior. My first thought of suicide was around the age of 8. Of course, since I'm inferior, I was too scared to carry it through. But I've always known. My younger brother was the smart one. My younger sister was the pretty one. My friends were the smart and pretty ones. I was neither. I graduated from high school in a class of around 500 and I was only 25th in the class. Two of my closest friends shared the title of valedictorian. I knew I was inferior.

I tried talking to people about it, Christians and non. They wouldn't listen. Oh, they'd listen, but then they'd tell me I was wrong or confused or looking at it wrong. Some would be gentle and try to help me see that I was off in my calculations and others would be angry and tell me they didn't want anything to do with me or to confess my sin and get right with God. But no one ever said, "Yes, you're inferior. Learn to embrace it and stop living up to higher expectations." Why?

So my life has been an accumulation of evidence that I'm right, that I'm not who I appear to be. I appear to be a confident, intelligent, capable individual, but in truth--in my secret heart--I know otherwise. I've talked to so-called friends about it and they tell me I'm wrong. I've talked to pastors about it and they tell me I'm wrong. I even talked to a psychologist about it and he told me I was wrong. So why can't I find people who will embrace me for the loser that I am? Why can't I find those who will tell me, "Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not a loser."? Why does everyone think I'm wrong on this and they're right? Why can't they just accept me for who I am? Fix society, please.
________
P.S. See if you can find a parallel.

3 comments:

Glenn E. Chatfield said...

I just had to chuckle because I knew where you were going.

That boy (never was he a she, regardless of what the media says) had to learn this stuff from somewhere. He had to have been influenced by the various media to even THINK about feeling "like a girl." And of course the more he listened to the media, the more confirmed he was in his ideology.

It's really sad that our culture can lead people to such brainwashing. But I find it hard to be sad or feel sorry for the kid - he is the one who made the bad choices.

Stan said...

Yes. Still, I'm disappointed when Christians (like his parents) can't operate on any level but the mistaken thinking he was on. It's like the whole "gay" thing. If we treat it as a "birth condition" like they do and then try to explain why it's bad, we're working on the mistaken thinking they are and then trying to fight our way out of the net. If you understand (as my post was intended to illustrate) that we're looking at confusion, then you can address confusion with compassion and not get mixed up with their "gender identity" nonsense.

Glenn E. Chatfield said...

Ah, but they don't want to address the confusion. That would ruin the agenda! :)