In the Bible God makes some really difficult commands for husbands. Husbands are commanded to love their wives in all circumstances (Eph 5:25). Husbands are supposed to cleanse her by the washing of the water of the word (Eph 5:26). Husbands are required to be ready to answer any question she might have (1 Cor 14:35). Husbands are required to surrender their bodies to their wives, particularly in the area of sex (1 Cor 7:4). Husbands are supposed to be the head of the house under Christ (1 Cor 11:3). Husbands are supposed to care for their wives, nourishing and cherishing her as they do their own bodies (Eph 5:29). Get this. Husbands are supposed to understand their wives (1 Peter 3:7). Did you know that wives are not commanded to understand their husbands? Beyond that, God holds fathers responsible for the training and discipline of the children (Eph 6:4). Guys have huge commands from God. They are commanded to be the image of Christ in the home with all that entails.
Wives, what are you training them to be? God warned at the start that there would be a power struggle in the home as part of the curse. He told Eve, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Gen 3:16). Lest you miss that "desire" comment, look at the next time it's used in the next chapter. God warned Cain, "If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it." (Gen 4:7). See? That's not, "Wives will desire their husbands." That's a desire to master. And that's what we see in most homes.
It is possible, wives, to train up your husband in the way he should go. Not only is it possible, it is the aim. Wives are designed by God as the "helpmeet" (Gen 2:18), and helping him to be the man God intends is right and profitable. In fact, all wives train their husbands. They reinforce error or combat it. They encourage godly behavior or discourage it. They cooperate or contend. Whether a wife will train her husband or not is not a question. How she does it and what she trains him to is the question. So how can a wife train up her husband to achieve obedience to God's commands for husbands?
If husbands are commanded to be the head of the household, an excellent way to train them to fulfill that role is to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Eph 5:22). Stand firmly and boldly to submitting to your husband "even if any of them are disobedient to the word" (1 Peter 3:1). You see, nature abhors a vacuum. If a wife steps out of the driver's seat of the marriage and respectfully gives it to her husband, he is bound to step up to that God-given role. Continually rip it out from under him, and don't expect him to stay there long without a fight. Paul commanded wives to be subject to their husbands as the church is subject to Christ (Eph 5:24). That is not a small submission.
If husbands are commanded to love sacrificially, wives can encourage this by showing respect (Eph 5:33; 1 Peter 3:2). You know, it's interesting. The word used both in Ephesians and the 1st Peter passage is the same. It is the Greek word, φόβος. Phobos isn't quite simple respect. It is respect with fear. Well, it is actually most literally translated "fear". But if you fear something, you will show it respect. So the idea is not a casual "positive feeling of esteem" or "admiration", but that and more. It includes a recognition of authority[1] and a sense of awe[2] A husband respected by a wife will find it much easier and much more valuable to love her sacrificially. A husband defied and disrespected by his wife may decide the sacrifice is too great.
If a husband is commanded to cherish and nourish his wife, it would be good if he had the opportunity to do so. So a wife that comes to him with questions (1 Cor 14:35) will train him to feed her. If he is commanded to cleanse her with the washing of the water of the word, a wife that asks her husband to teach her from the word will find he is more able to do that. If a husband is going to cherish and nourish his wife, he will find it much easier to do if she has "the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4). By requesting and expecting this cherishing and nourishment, wives can train their husbands to do it.
Considered perhaps the most impossible of all commands given to husbands, husbands are commanded to understand their wives. I suppose I could come up with some wise words or careful turns of a verse to get you to see this one, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't take a theologian or a trained psychologist to see that a wife that shares herself with her husband in a gentle and respectful way, openly letting him know her at the deepest levels, will find it much more likely that her husband will understand her than the one who keeps her innermost self a secret and waits for him to try to drag it out, right? I mean, this isn't rocket science.
Wives, you have to understand that our current social climate is opposed to men. Turn on the TV and try to find a positive representation of a husband there. You won't find it. Between the assault of the sinful world and the associated assault of radical feminism, it has become a world largely hostile to good husbands. There are two standard approaches available in a hostile situation--fight or flight. The husband that flees is discarded as a coward, and the one that fights is too macho. So how about trying a biblical approach? Train your husband by being the wife God commands. I think you'll find it much more rewarding than the world is willing to admit. And much more rewarded by God.
Addendum
In response to several emails I've received in comment to this post, I have to say, do you know what's amazing to me? It always astounds me when people, especially those who classify themselves as "Christians" (you know, filled with the Holy Spirit and all), would consider a call to be biblical (for husbands and wives, for instance) neither rational nor biblical. Does biblical Christianity offend modern sensibilities? Well, of course! We were assured it would. By definition, when the world opposes God, God's instructions will be in opposition to their perspectives on such things. So that's no measure of whether or not it's right. But when so-called brothers complain that God's Word is wrong on these points and to agree with the Bible here would be unbiblical and illogical, it baffles me. To be sure, it's not only on the subject of the roles of husbands and wives. It is on such clear things as biblical morality in the areas of sex, divorce, marriage, and all sorts of other things that defy modern sensibilities. This is just one of the common ones. What I've offered here is both logical and biblical. If it is not perceived that way, it's not because it is not so. It may be a 1 Cor 2:14 problem.
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[1] Note that Paul commands women in Eph 5:22-24 to be subject to their husbands and then summarizes it in Eph 5:33 as "respect". Thus, this version of respect includes submission.
[2] Note that today's version of "awe" is pitiful compared to the original version. Today's version is, "Wow! That's totally cool!" The dictionary version is "a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder". That is much closer to the biblical version of "respect".
[2] Note that today's version of "awe" is pitiful compared to the original version. Today's version is, "Wow! That's totally cool!" The dictionary version is "a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder". That is much closer to the biblical version of "respect".
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