In the realm of the "gay marriage" debate, there are two sides to the question. On the "pro" side they'll tell you there is the "marriage equality" side and the "anti-gay side". From the "con" side they will say there is the "anti-marriage" side and the "pro-marriage" side. Because, you see, the "pro" side is, again, not understanding what the opposing side is opposing. It isn't "gay" or even "gay marriage". It is opposing the end of marriage.
In the abortion debate, at least part of the problem is that some who are opposed to abortion are opposed to abortion. It is not that they are in favor of life, but opposed to abortion as contraception. That is "anti-abortion". But for me, at least, as well as for a large number of others, on this topic it is that life is valuable, that the life in the womb is valuable, and that terminating that life for things such as birth control (the number one reason given), "I can't afford it", or terminating a child with birth defects are not acceptable reasons to kill a baby. Yet, in these debates, this opposition is rarely addressed. The rhetoric is "You're anti-woman" or "You're anti-choice" and nothing about why they favor killing children.
In the marriage debate we find the same problem. Many who oppose the current trend to force homosexual mirage[1] onto society by vote if possible or court fiat if nothing else actually oppose it on the grounds that homosexuality is immoral. It would, on those grounds, be closer to "anti-gay" (although that, too, is another of these issues of mistaken rhetoric[2]) than "pro-marriage". But for me, at least, as well as for many others, the question is not the morality of the act, but the definition of the term "marriage", the theft of that term for something else, and the value of marriage that is worth defending. When I point to the undeniable fact that marriage throughout human history has always been the union of a man and a woman (and consistently for a primary purpose that included procreation up until the end of the 20th century) and that this new version is not the same thing, the best answer that I get from those who favor the redefinition of the term (the self-styled "marriage equity" side) is "Uh-uh." That's about it. Oh, maybe it's "We're not redefining it", but they can't offer a definition. Or it's "It was never defined that way" except that they cannot, in the final analysis, demonstrate this claim in any meaningful sense[3]. On this it is not a matter of religious conviction. It is a matter of what the courts recognize as "the longstanding, traditional definition" of marriage. And they routinely ignore this fact of redefinition and slander the opposition with the "anti-gay" rhetoric. Or, for a very few, it's "Sure we're redefining it, and that's a good thing," but they can't give any sensible reasons why except for those who admit to an actual intent of redefining it to eliminate it.
For me, then, I am not "anti-gay marriage" (let alone "anti-gay"). I am pro-marriage. I am not "anti-marriage equity". I strongly favor marriage equity. And I'm not opposed to gay mirage[1] because, as one poor pastor put it on television, "I'm totally against it. I think that homosexuality is disgusting." I see the two subjects--sexual sin and marriage--as distinct subjects. So on this topic my aim is the defense of marriage, not the opposition of homosexual behavior. My efforts are toward retaining marriage, not being a "moral policeman". And it isn't "gay marriage" that is the issue. It is marriage in general. It took its hits from the sexual revolution of the 60's, tearing at the exclusiveness and sanctity of marriage. Procreation in marriage became a moot point when contraception became the norm. Marriage took a broadside from no-fault divorce, eliminating the permanence of the relationship. It is still reeling from feminism, tearing apart the mutual support concept. So this dismantling by those who call themselves "gay" but are not to seize "marriage" which is not is just the latest shot in a long war against the lifelong commitment between a male and a female for the purpose of mutual support and procreation. This long-term relationship has always been at the core of society as well as the core of Christianity. Its loss will not be quiet nor harmless. Redefinition does not improve it. And its recent redefinition to "two people who feel warmly toward each other" won't be the last. We won't recognize marriage when they're done, and that is something I find inconceivable.
If you characterize me as "anti-gay", you do so without truth. If you argue I'm "opposed to marriage equity", you do so without reason. If you suggest I'm just a religious zealot trying to oppose my version of sin, it is a false claim. Perhaps your labels work for others; they don't apply to me. Until you who disagree with me figure that out, you won't be able to engage me with my positions. You'll be opposing that which I am not. On the topic of abortion I am pro-life, and on the topic of marriage I am pro-marriage.
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[1] This will be my new term from now on. Since "marriage" means something and "gay marriage" doesn't mean either "happy" or "marriage", I'm forced to use different terms to get this across.
[2] "Anti-gay" indicates an opposition to people who have same-sex attraction. I don't oppose people who have that attraction any more than I oppose married people attracted to people of the opposite sex to whom they are not married. I oppose the actions that follow ... both cases. The heterosexual husband that is attracted to another woman and acts on that attraction is an adulterer, and I oppose adultery. I have no complaint about people with heterosexual or homosexual attractions who do not act on them. Thus, in today's vernacular, I am not anti-gay; I am anti-sexual sin. I applaud the heterosexual man who denies his desires in favor of fidelity to his wife, and I applaud the man with same-sex attraction who chooses to set it aside for a higher purpose.
[3] Another critical factor in this discussion of the redefinition of marriage is the distinction between the definition and the practice. Many will suggest that marriage has been constantly redefined. "It once meant male and multiple females. It once meant that women were treated like chattel. It once meant ..." And I would argue that this is not true. It included these practices, perhaps, but was not defined by these practices. That is, a marriage that did not include polygamy or did not treat women like chattel was still a marriage, right? So practices change, but not definition.
[2] "Anti-gay" indicates an opposition to people who have same-sex attraction. I don't oppose people who have that attraction any more than I oppose married people attracted to people of the opposite sex to whom they are not married. I oppose the actions that follow ... both cases. The heterosexual husband that is attracted to another woman and acts on that attraction is an adulterer, and I oppose adultery. I have no complaint about people with heterosexual or homosexual attractions who do not act on them. Thus, in today's vernacular, I am not anti-gay; I am anti-sexual sin. I applaud the heterosexual man who denies his desires in favor of fidelity to his wife, and I applaud the man with same-sex attraction who chooses to set it aside for a higher purpose.
[3] Another critical factor in this discussion of the redefinition of marriage is the distinction between the definition and the practice. Many will suggest that marriage has been constantly redefined. "It once meant male and multiple females. It once meant that women were treated like chattel. It once meant ..." And I would argue that this is not true. It included these practices, perhaps, but was not defined by these practices. That is, a marriage that did not include polygamy or did not treat women like chattel was still a marriage, right? So practices change, but not definition.
1 comment:
Very well stated, Stan!
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