The Upside of Porn

We (Christians) all know that pornography is sinful. Clear enough. Nor am I, in the title, offering a defense of pornography. But I have a few suspicions on the subject and I hope to address them. I think that there is a natural revulsion that kicks in if someone, male or female, admits to a problem with porn. Generally the revulsion tends not to be toward the pornography, but toward the person. I suspect, however, that most people don't understand pornography, or, to be more accurate, the reasons for the problem of porn. We think they're just weak or sinful or dirty or perverts ... yuck, pooey, blech! Indeed, I'd think that Christians who suffer from this problem feel that way about themselves. And I would think that, if these two suspicions were accurate, this kind of thinking would make it very difficult to address the problem.

So, why do people (men generally, but not always) like porn? I'm talking here about the regenerate, those who actually have a relationship with Christ, those who have "died to sin" (Rom 6:1-14). We "have the mind of Christ" (1 Cor 2:16). We have God at work in us both to will and to do His good pleasure (Phil 2:13). Why do people in this category still suffer from the likes of pornography?

Luke Gilkerson, in a series in partnership with Covenant Eyes, has written a piece giving "4 Reasons Men Like Porn". There is insight here. In short, he says:

1. Porn is easy, but relationships are hard.
2. Porn is comfortable, but life is stressful.
3. Porn is exciting, but life is boring.
4. Porn makes men feel powerful, but real life makes them feel powerless.

None of these are valid excuses. None are intended to be. But I think you can begin to see that it is something beyond being a weak, dirty pervert. Wives of men who suffer from this problem tend to think, "Am I not enough?" That, in my view, is really not the case. It's not the question. It's not the problem. And if we're trying to correct a problem where it isn't, we won't succeed, will we?

Gilkerson suggests accountability questions based on the four points he offers. The aim of these questions is not to engender guilt, but to "stir up one another to love and good works" (Heb 10:24).

Has there been a relationship in your life recently that has been unusually difficult?
Have there been any stresses in your life recently which have brought on a feeling of pressure or strain?
Have you found yourself bored or itching for excitement? Do you feel like your life is mundane?
Have you been in any situations recently that made you feel belittled, unimportant, or disrespected?

I think you'll find that the source of the porn problem is much deeper than a simplistic "dirty old men" issue. It's an internal problem. It's likely not even understood at all by those in the midst of it, let alone onlookers. It is due to a variety of factors, the sin nature as the starting point. It is fed by a society that tells men that they're useless and pointless and a culture that worships ease and comfort and excitement over biblical values. It's nurtured by the lack of resources for men and women too ashamed to seek help and too shunned to get it. It thrives in the anonymity of the Internet and grows in the modern culture of sexual immorality as a virtue. It is watered by the isolation that most who suffer from the problem feel -- as if he or she is the only Christian around suffering from this struggle.

There is no upside of porn. Only downside. It is an escape from what ails us. And we, as members of one Body, cannot afford to continue this way. We need to provide a place where we are bearing one another's burdens (Gal 6:2), confessing our sins to one another (James 5:16), restoring fallen brethren (Gal 6:1). Rather than shooting our wounded, we need to lift drooping hands, strengthen weak knees, and make straight paths "so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed" (Heb 12:12-13). As those saved by grace, forgiven by Christ, joined in one Body, you'd think we'd be the best at this sort of thing. I'm looking around and it just doesn't seem like that's the case. Isaiah prophesied of Christ, "A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench" (Isa 42:3). We, on the other hand, seem far too quick to break and quench fellow reeds and wicks in trouble.