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Monday, July 30, 2012

Food Equity

I don't like guacamole. I'm sorry. I just don't. It's not a choice, really. I just don't like it. I don't like the texture or the taste or even the color. Guacamole has no appeal for me. Peanut butter, on the other hand, is really good. I like peanut butter on bread and on sandwiches and on crackers. It's good in candy bars and even right out of the jar.

It would appear, then, that I am being discriminated against. All those places offering guacamole are refusing to serve me a guacamole that looks and feels and tastes like peanut butter. They tell me that my rights aren't being violated. I can eat their guacamole any time I want. But I don't want guacamole. I want peanut butter. So telling me that I can eat their guacamole when they know I don't like it is not the same thing as saying I have a right to guacamole.

In view of the Fourteenth Amendment, I think I have had my civil rights violated. I think that I need Equal Protection. In my quest for Food Equity, I think they should be obligated to make a guacamole for me that looks and tastes like peanut butter. Until they do, I am a victim, a displaced citizen of American society, set aside and abused because I don't fall in the category of "normal guacamole lovers". It's unfair and I think there should be compensation for my distress. Let's see if we can get the laws changed. Let's see if we can redefine guacamole so it's fair to people like me. Where's my equal rights? Who will stand up for the misunderstood and discarded ones like me?


Glenn E. Chatfield said...

Thanks for the chuckle!

Stan said...

I wonder if it's close enough to the real argument to make the connection.

Glenn E. Chatfield said...

If it's not, then it's because the reader is extremely dense!

Marshall Art said...

Danny T has a similar post with banjo music that favors the other direction. Yours is a better parody and closer to the reality of the situation.