Because I Said So

There aren't too many parents out there who haven't said or, at least, thought to say this response when their dear little one, told to "Clean up your room", responds, "Why?" Of course, in their rational moments, almost all parents are not happy with that response. "We ought to tell them why." But it is the gut response so many times. So thoughtful, wise parents check their guts and try to respond appropriately, with a carefully thought out explanation of the BTUs involved when the stove is turned on and the likely damage to young skin when they put their hand on it, or the fact that visitors are coming and it is good to present a positive image when people come to call, so the room would need to be cleaned. And, as we all know, that works quite well.

I wasn't a proponent of that approach. I had a different view. When my kids were very young, I believed that the best response to their challenge of "why" was exactly that -- "Because I said so." On one hand, you have to know that the typical child who asks, "Why?" is not saying "So, oh wise Mommy, please share with me the wisdom of the ages because my young mind cannot grasp the motivation behind such a command and it would behoove me to learn from you." Yeah, that's not there. No, the child's "why" is a diversion tactic, and most adults know that. So feeding their diversionary tactics is simply feeding their rebellion.

The real problem, however, is not a simple recognition of the problem of a child's diversion. The real problem is the very human problem of rebellion, the very human problem of sin. You see, we would be like the Most High. We would be the authority in our lives ... even at a very young age. But God alone has that right. Jesus wasn't joking around when He said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me" (Matt 28:19). My authority as a father, then, comes from God. And the very truthful response to "Why?" is "Because I said so." As a parent, I felt it was incumbent upon me to teach my kids that "Because I said so" is a satisfactory reason to obey. Later, when obedience was learned, genuine questions of motivation could be asked and answered. But not at the beginning.

You see, when we ask, "Why?", there is an implied question of authority. What is being said in this question is "If you can supply me with a reason that I find suitable, I'll do it. If you cannot, I'm not willing." In this question, then, authority changes hands. "You may command me, [God or parent or whatever authority is in play], but I retain final approval."

It's a problem, today. The majority of folk are no longer convinced that there is any genuine authority except themselves. It's even true among Christians. But the issue of authority is key, especially for folks like me who believe in the Sovereignty of God and Election and Predestination and all that. "So," they will tell me, "if you believe in all that, why pray? Why share the gospel? Why do any of that?" And the easiest, most obvious, absolutely truthful reason is, "Because He said so." Oh, sure, there are other reasons, but that one is sufficient. But "Because He said so" for too many today, even in the church, is not enough. It's not enough to push them to defy societal norms, to stand on biblical morality, to believe what the Bible teaches rather than what the world feeds them. And it is predicated on "Why?" with the implied, "Give me a reason I like or don't count on me to obey."

I remember the day when I told my teenage son to do something and he responded with elegance. "Dad," he said, "I will certainly do what you told me to do. I am just wondering, could you tell me why? I'd like to understand." That's it. If I knew what "the cockles of my heart" were, I'd say that it warmed them. It is good to be able to examine why God wants us to do what He wants us to do as long as it is not predicated on a demand. It is wise to teach kids why we do what we do so they can understand, but not so they will submit. It helps when you stand on your own to know why you are doing what God (or what the authority that God has ordained at the time) says to do. We just cannot afford to make it a matter of authority. That question is settled, and we are not it.