Perceptions

One would think it would be fairly easy. See an idea. Discuss it. Come to conclusions. What's so hard about that? Well, the difficulty is that the people doing the discussion are ... people. You see, if you tell me that the idea I'm arguing for is a stupid idea, I have been insulted. I hold the idea. The idea is a stupid idea. Therefore ... I am stupid. You mean, rotten person! And I'm no longer discussing the idea; I'm defending my honor. Now, you never actually said I was stupid. Indeed, you didn't even think it. If you recall, we were discussing that idea. So you're confused by my vitriolic response and feel the need to defend yourself. So the whole discussion of an idea goes out the window because of ... perceptions.

The truth is that our perceptions so often get in the way of our dialog. It's a common problem. Unfortunately, the most common cause of this common problem isn't "the other guy". It's us. We tell ourselves certain things about ourselves (generally good things) and then someone implies something different and we're at odds. I suspect that usually the thing that sets us off is something we told ourselves about ourselves that, at some level, we question. So now you are questioning it and I already questioned it ... but I don't want to, so we're going to war. You see, if you tell me, "You're a lousy scientist", I'm not going to bat an eye because I'm not a scientist at all. I recognize that I'm not a good scientist. But tell me "You're a lousy father" and I'm going to face a dilemma. I like to tell myself I am a good father and I like to think it's true, but I have reasons, often suppressed, to make me question it. So now we're both questioning something I like to tell myself isn't true and I'm going to have to fight hard to demonstrate to you (and me) you're wrong.

Paul told us that we are supposed to be "speaking the truth in love" (Eph 4:15). I would imagine that this command would include what we tell ourselves. In Jeremiah 17:9 God says,"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" So, while we are commanded to speak the truth (motivated by love), we have a heart condition -- we're liars. Our hearts are so deceitful that we even lie to ourselves ... without realizing it.

There is often, on one hand, a sharp difference of opinion regarding our condition. You may tell yourself, "I'm a pretty good husband. I help out around the house. I take out the trash when she asks and I'll help her with dishes if she asks and that sort of thing. I'm a pretty good guy when it comes to being a husband." I wonder if your wife would agree. "He doesn't seem to do anything around here. Oh, sure, if I pester him, he'll do something, but I want him to want to help out. All he wants to do is sit around and watch TV. If he was a good husband, he'd want to help me out because he loves me." Who's wrong? Well, I'm pretty sure both are lying ... to themselves. He has set up a standard that is not her standard and he feels he meets his standard pretty well. The fact that it's a faulty standard will not be factored into the evaluation. She has set up an entirely different standard that may not even be realistic and finds him wanting by that standard. The fact that it's not even realistic will not be included in her conclusions about his merits as a husband. With this example you can begin to see how arbitrary standards and varying points of view will alter the perceptions about you and your genuine condition.

The worst problem occurs when we consider things from our standard rather than from God's standard. I tell myself, "I'm not such a bad person; look at those rotten people on the news these days!" And I'm lying. I'm not a "good husband", a "good person", a "good employee", any of these things by God's standards. That standard is perfection, and Jesus alone qualified as "good". The only correct response to "How am I doing?" from God's standards would be "Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner!" And the only hope we have is imputed righteousness, a righteousness applied to us that is not our own and did not come from us.

But ... we're most often not likely to see ourselves in that light. We're fairly good people. God is required, since we are reasonably good folk, to be nice to us and to care about our happiness and to ... well, you get the idea. We are not bad people and God would be wrong for treating us as bad people. Everyone knows that. And we prove once again the deceitfulness of the human heart and the failure of our own perceptions.