The Error of Husbands - Part 1

In my observation, husbands have a tendency to make one of two errors. There are, of course, shades of error, gradations from one extreme to the other, but the errors are mostly one or the other. One error is to be overbearing and the other is to be underbearing. (Yes, I made that word up. I'm pretty sure that most of my readers will still get the gist of the word.) In this post and the next I want to address these two errors in the hopes that husbands interested in being good husbands who glorify God in their role as husbands will be aware of these possible tendencies in themselves and seek to avoid them.

The first error of being overbearing is an obvious one. It's ... typical. You know, "I'm the man of this house and you'll all obey me!" It's inherent in "A man's home is his castle." In so many husbands, it's almost built in. Men tend to be dominant by nature. They want control. And because it seems almost part of nature, it's too often viewed as "normal", "acceptable", the way it should be. You'll even find husbands in Christian circles defending the position.

"I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ" (1 Cor 11:3). There you have it. Man is the head of woman. Women are to submit. End of story. We get to determine what they wear, who they talk to, where they go, what they do. After all, doesn't it say, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22)? Can't get much clearer than that!

Yes, it can.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

Try to fit "live with your wives in an understanding way" with "My wife must bow to me as lord." Try to correlate "showing honor to the woman" with a strident "I'm the master!" Even more difficult, try to correlate the "likewise" with the overbearing husband. To what was the "likewise" referring? Well, wives are commanded earlier to show respect and purity of conduct (1 Peter 3:2). Maybe husbands ought to do the same. But it's interesting to note that the commands to wives in 1 Peter 3:1-6 begin with the same term as the command to husbands in verse 7 -- "likewise". I would argue that the "likewise" for both precedes both. What are we to be like? 1 Peter 2 explains how we should all operate in the world. "Put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander" (2:1). "Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable" (2:12). "Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution" (2:13). And so on. Peter offers an underlying reason why -- the example of Christ (1 Peter 2:19-25), who endured sorrows while suffering unjustly. "For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you" (1 Peter 2:21).

Likewise, then, wives, submit to ungodly husbands. Likewise, then, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. The call of Christ is not to indulge our natures, but to change them. It will entail difficulty, even suffering. It will not be "pleasant" in the standard sense of the word. But it is commanded.

If you are one of these "standard" husbands, I would urge you to repent. You may have mastered the "head of household" concept, but you defy the command to be understanding and honoring. You cannot defy God's commands and call it "godly". Consider this. God ordained that pastors and elders should shepherd His people. In that structure, the command is this: They must not be domineering, but must lead by example (1 Peter 5:3). Husbands, I plead with you to lead by example rather than by force, to lead with love, to live with your wives in an understanding way, showing them honor. "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them" (Col 3:19). The cost of failure is too high.