Divorce

Divorce ... it's not a pretty word. It is most accurately defined as "disunion". It has the same root as "divert" and means the same thing ... one thing going two separate ways. It is the termination of a union, the death of a family. There is nothing pretty about it. And if you're paying attention to statistics, you might easily conclude that it is very prevalent. The most recent figures, for instance, suggest that there are 7.5 marriages per 1000 people and 3.6 divorces for the same number of people. See? Do the math! We're at just about 50%! Okay, well, that's not quite fair. Here, let me illustrate. Let's say that 1000 couples get married. Now let's say, just for the sake of this illustration, that 200 of them get divorced. We are now at 1000 marriages and 200 divorces, or a 20% divorce rate. But wait! Say that half of them remarry. Oh, now we're at 1100 marriages. And let's say that half of them divorce again. Now we're at 1100 marriages and 250 divorces. We have now hit an almost 23% divorce rate. Divorces are up!! What's happening to society? Why even get married if so many are going to get divorced??!! You see, of course, that there is a problem with statistics. As it turns out, that original 80% are still married. The rate may have gone up statistically, but that's only because of the re-marriages, not because the original successful marriages changed. So ... the moral is, watch your statistics.

So, why is divorce such an ugly thing? Why would I suggest it? Despite my rosy "80%" illustration and my statistical warning, we still have a higher divorce rate than 20%. On one hand we might ask, "How could things go so wrong?" and on the other hand they might ask, "So, if it's so prevalent, what makes you think it's bad?" I want to answer the second question.

Directed only to Christians (because, woefully, too many reports are saying that people who call themselves Christians have just as high of a divorce rate as those who don't ... and also because Christians have a standard to which they should aspire, namely, Christ), when Jesus was asked His opinion of divorce, what was His answer? "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matt 19:6). Now, just like I'm sure many of you are doing right now, the Pharisees objected. "Then why is divorce in the Law?" Jesus's answer wasn't ambiguous: "Because of your hardness of heart" (Matt 19:8). Now, there is a majority of good, wise, Bible-believing Christians who are quite sure that there are one or two exceptions to the "what God has joined together let no man separate" answer. One is adultery -- an almost universal out. The other is abandonment, based primarily on 1 Cor. 7. I also know that there are those who would wish to extend these two exceptions to be more inclusive. Spousal abuse, for instance, is often listed as an exception to the "no divorce" stance Jesus took. They consider it part of "abandonment". On the other hand, I have also seen some very good examinations of these exception clauses that would likely suggest that all exceptions are a misunderstanding and ... there are no exceptions. I'm not here to examine or defend these views. I just want to point to Christ. Regardless of whether or not there might be exceptions, what is not in controversy here is that Jesus's first position was "Never, ever divorce" and His second position was "Divorce is due to hard-heartedness." Feel free to play among yourselves about the exceptions. I think these are clear enough on their own.

I've seen advertisements for divorce lawyers. They say that they'll make divorce "easy" and "affordable". They list costs as low as "$200" and assure you that it will be just fine if you go through them. Of course, they're not telling the whole story, are they? They're not telling the cost of destroying a family. They're not telling the cost of ripping apart a union. I wish we were required to see the actual cost rather than the advertised one. What does divorce actually cost? Beyond the trifling economic expense, it is a devastating event. If marriage is defined as "the union of one man and one woman to make a family", then divorce is defined as "the rending apart of what was one and the destruction of that family." I'd like to ask the one filing for divorce if they're willing to pay the price. "Here's the deal," I'd like to suggest. "We'll let you get your divorce, but it will cost you an arm and a leg ... literally. You are rending what was one into two. We'll do it. Oh, and when we do, we will also take an arm and a leg from your spouse. You'll be able to go your separate ways; you'll just be maimed for life. Oh, you have kids? Okay, well, they'll each need to sacrifice an arm or a leg ... your choice. This thing is costing the entire family ..." No, I wouldn't offer that. Not because it's not true, but because it's insufficient. The damage is deep and long lasting. Statistics suggest that children of divorce parents are more likely to divorce later in life themselves. Everyone knows that children are tramatized by divorce. It is almost a universal response, "Is it my fault Mommy and Daddy are not married anymore?" Oh, you reassure them and tell them it's not so (at best), but that doesn't fix it. No, I suspect the loss of body parts would be merciful compared to the actual cost.

It's not my opinion. It's Jesus's answer. "What therefore God has joined together let no man separate." Are you sure you want your hardness of heart to be the reason for the dismemberment of your spouse, yourself, your family? I would think that "I'm not sure I want to be married anymore" would pale in comparison to that cost. I cannot imagine weighing that kind of destruction against "He just doesn't make me happy" and calling it quits. Are we Christians really so defiant as to shake our fists in the face of God, deny Christ, and seek our own petty pleasures instead?

Let me say that I know there are situations that simply don't fall into this kind of thing. This whole "no fault divorce" thing is devastating. You might find your family cut apart without being able to do a thing about it. I know, believe me, I know. I'm not talking about those. And there very well may be an exception clause or two. I'm not arguing that. But exceptions are just that ... exceptions. They are not the norm. I am simply pleading with believers -- those who call themselves followers of Christ -- to carefully reconsider what they are about to do if they are considering divorce. It is such an ugly, painful, destructive term. I would go so far as to suggest that maybe, just maybe, you don't have a relationship with Christ if you're willing to ignore His clear instruction on the thing. I'm just asking you to count the cost, consider the reality, think about Christ, your spouse, your kids. Are your personal preferences really so important? I'm just saying ...