We've all heard that line. It seems so right. It says, "Your business is your business and my business is my business." It seems so ... American, so tolerant. And we all know that tolerance is the highest value of the day. "Live and let live." It seems so noble, so reasonable, so wise.
Have you ever thought about how one way it is? First, the thought is almost always expressed when you are disagreeing with someone. What is it really expressing? "I want to do what I want to do." What is really being said? "You can do what you want as long as you don't interfere with what I want." In other words, if what I want to do is suggest that you do something different, then I am not allowed to do that. I can only do those things that you allow. That's not quite "Live and let live", is it?
But it goes farther. Think about it this way. You go to dinner with a friend who says, "Oh, let me tell you about my week." You reply, "Live and let live. Your business is your business and my business is my business." Instead of being reasonable, you're suddenly being unkind. Or what if you went for a hike here in the desert and your friend gets bitten by a rattlesnake? You say, "Your business is your business and my business is my business." Somehow that doesn't work, does it? From that perspective, "Live and let live" can be cruel at best and criminally negligent at worst.
"Live and let live" sounds right. It is the accepted thing. But what is really being said is two-fold. It says, "Don't interfere with my choices even if that interferes with your choices" while still requiring that you provide what they want. More accurately stated, it goes something like this: "I'll live my life the way I want to, and you live your life the way you want to as long as it doesn't interfere with what I want and as long as I don't want something from you." Somehow it doesn't seem quite so noble, reasonable, or wise anymore.
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